Quote: It's a constant tussle between losing respect for your H and wanting to work things out and do the right thing and all that.
Yes, I think you summed that up really well. It is like that. I do believe I have been doing the right thing... and while I can be really compassionate now about his own struggle-- at the end of ther day I'm not willing to use it as an excuse for bad treatment. He seems to be sticking close by people who will let that slide.
Quote: I think in both your case and mine we need to really tackle the project of OURSELVES - just live life to the fullest, do things we might not have done with our H around and all that. Please ourselves. Get to a really good place. With or without H.
Yes, I think you're right! That's something I've been working on for a good while. I think my biggest issue these days is that I had mostly gotten to that place... I feel I've done so much work on me (though it never really ends) and really found a good place in my life. But I allowed myself to set a little of that aside for H the past several months in the hope that he was coming up the path (sure did seem like he was, too).
I have seen that I was willing to be too flexible with someone who clearly was not ready to do any kind of work, who seems to see the very idea of work as some kind of negative idea.
Right now, he'll have to run faster catch up if he wants to be a friend or anything else.
I do wish I knew who he seeks advice from these days, because it sure does seem like his most recent actions are designed to push me as far away as possible. And I don't think any of that is accidental.
One thing I am finding is that while I've expressed lots of confusion over his back and forth, tried to analyze it, and have been matter of fact about what he's doing, other people want to be bitter and angry and attack him. I won't attack him that way or expend my energy on that.
I guess maybe they're feeling outraged for me, but that kind of reactive stuff only makes me feel worse, not better.
And I don't think any of that is accidental.
