Can I really do this #5

[Dtrmned]

Steve,

Thank you for pointing out to me exactly what I am struggling with. I believe it is exactly the illusion of action problem. I do feel stuck and I do feel the need to do something. Luckily, I have this board to sound off on and get some sound advice. I haven't done anything (this time) to push me back further so at least there is that!

Knowing that my mind is telling me I have to do something and understanding that the right thing is to stay the course knowing it is counter intuitive to the way I feel is still difficult. And yes. I am struggling. I am detaching and I will admit that it hurts each time I do a little more. I feel myself getting stronger along the way and I know it will make me a better person however my MR works out.

The finance part is weird. There will be no alimony (prenup) there will be child support, but if I analyze and do the math I believe in the end it will be a financial benefit to D. No 2nd car, no health insurance, copays, rx's treatments and expense for her, etc. etc. Never any guarantees how it would end up, but just a cursory overview shows me this. I am basing child support on the state calculation without her making an income. If need be, there could be arguments that she choose not to work instead of being unable to work. The government has denied her disability so they believe she can work. If I add that in, it is just less money in child support. I will be very fair when it comes to any settlement if that time comes within reason. I do believe that she is dragging this out because she is still unsure how to move her agenda forward and she now has a decent roof over her head, food, car, etc. Does she realize how difficult it will be out there in the real world? I do not know. She seems oblivious right now on everything. With regard to finances, all I can say is that she hasn't balanced a checkbook in 20 years and hasn't paid a bill outside of her personal stuff for the same amount of time. Add in rent, utilities, cell phone, health insurance, groceries, car insurance, car payment, gas, kids lunches, women stuff (beauty products, etc.) and other incidentals it is going to be very difficult for her to do it by herself. Not that she would be unable to, but again, just doing the math.

Thanks again. I know there is only a 50/50 shot on saving our MR anyway. I know my wife (or knew her) and know this will take a great amount of time for her to come around. I appreciate your help and will take to heart doubling down on#1.