Quote: I feel like when he looks at me now, he is trying really hard to keep me in that image that he made to justify what he was doing, putting up walls so as not to connect with the person actually standing in front of him. And then he wants to be "friends", but with who? Because it's not like he sees me. I hear ya! Sounds like my H also! My H doesn't take the time to find out who is really standing in front of him either. They choose to paint a picture of someone to justify leaving us.
Some of that comes from feeling alone and needing me to be there for him more emotionally...and then not letting me in. Lots of stuff. -- he wasn't seeing ME, but this creation of me... Yes, I think this is all about them and their wants, their thoughts. They CAN'T let go. Deep down the real person is in there shouting "keep a connection with your S" But they are so he// bent on the new path, they try to ignore that person. That is way sometimes we think they want to reconcile; that person speaks up and our S's want to keep that thread and hold on to it!
Now it is as if we never had those conversations because we are right back to "I was unhappy and divorcing you will make me happy." But wait, don't go anywhere? Let's be friends.
LMAO! You hit it on the head, wonder! Weird how my H thinks the same way! Unreal! And here we are standing there wondering; what are they talking about, what do they mean, ARE they NUTS!
I am not sure which it is, but I suspect it's being so wrapped up in pain and the A path he started down that just doing something else is what he's convinced himself he "needs to" do.
OMG, That is so true! My H is so set to end this M, I don't think NOTHING can change his mind! Wonder what happens when they realize they have chosen the wrong path? I think my H will, but it may be too late and he will then be "stuck" in a place he doesn't want to be!
It's baffling to me that he can't see that he could also "start over" with me and lose a whole lot less. EXACTLY! But most of the time they DON'T wake up until after the D. By then, they think it is too late to change and come back.
Your perception on this is right on the money! That is why the biggest percentage of the time when you "act as if" you are moving on without them, that is when they decide to come running back to you. That is when that "old" inner self screams. Sometimes they listen and come running or sometimes they are stubborn and stay in the tunnel.
Detach and act as if you are moving on without him! It is better for you and will either wake him up or not. Either way you will feel better about yourself!
