I think I struggle with the same thoughts you are having ballast, and I worry that I am being too "mysterious" by being so disconnected with W now that she has moved out. We've stopped sharing things on our calendars, don't talk anymore, she unfriended me on FB. And a few weeks ago in one of the last real conversations I had with W I told her I couldn't be friends with her (she was requesting that we "start over as friends or acquaintances") until we talked about the fact that I had worked hard to repair our relationship and she instead chose to have an affair. Then she told me I didn't include her in that work. That comment keeps playing back now. It comes across as her saying "If only you had done the right thing at the right time, I would have stayed". So it feels like I failed at saving my marriage, after I already failed at stopping this crisis from happening in the first place. Big ol' negative thought train. I'm still stuck on it now. Feels like it's the last thing my W said to me, so it's all I have to hang on to of her now. And I worry that I wrongly turned down her offer of friendship. I was not going to allow rugsweeping of her affair though, so I still believe that was the right decision.
So yeah, when you feel like you're not allowed to pursue, and distancing feels like hell, what can you do? I think most would say detach. Detachment + Separation + No Pursuit just feels the same as divorce to me. Just accept that? Maybe I need to get to a different mental place still. Maybe I'm in a down week.
"If only you had done the right thing at the right time, I would have stayed". This is a lie designed to alleviate her own guilt. WAWs and WWs especially lie. That is why we constantly say "Believe nothing she says, and only half of what she does!"
Put no stock into things she says like this. None. The planets could have aligned, you could have turned into Brad Pitt, and your back account could have swollen to a billion dollars, and she still would have walked. They will ALWAYS say there was something else you could have or should have done differently.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
