Journey Continues

[SteveLW]

There's a website out there that I learned about recently about "ex boyfriend/girlfriend recovery". Funny concept.

I was listening to a podcast where Michelle Weiner Davis was on w/ Neil Sattin. Very cool and she's done 2 of them with him, both over an hour I believe. She is amazing to listen to, truly. I even like her old content from 20 years ago on Oprah.

Another podcast popped up and it was about getting your ex back. The guy running the site has collected extensive data and the overwhelmingly best way to get your ex back is to cease all contact. There's more to read than this, but it's a good read.

I believe I read that guy's stuff before. Yep, detaching and stopping contact is the tactic that works best. It isn't a guarantee. But that so many of us struggle with that. With thoughts of "being too mysterious" etc. It is under the mistaken thinking that if you do what you should have done before she became WAW, it will fix it. That is why I wrote my post on BD NOT being the start of your sitch. Most WAWs started planning their exit 2 years prior to BD! If you act like BD is the start it will make you think you should do the things you should have done BEFORE BD. After BD it is too late.

That is why moping, acting sad, and being depressed doesn't work. The WAW already came to terms a long time ago that to walk-away she had to hurt you. She is okay with that. In fact you being hurt validates to her that she is doing the right thing! That is why if we were aware of DBing prior to BD, and we could immediately let go it would go a lot further to potentially change her mind. But crying, begging, pleading doesn't work because she expected that. And was braced for it.

So can you be too mysterious? NO! It is impossible. In fact, most LBHs are not mysterious enough. Why? Because they are GAL, and detaching for the wrong reason. When you do it to REALLY let her go, then you will be mysterious. Completely. When you do it only to try to manipulate you then you won't be mysterious enough and she will see through it.

DBing is doing the opposite of what we think we should do. We all struggle with that. But once you start doing it well THEN it gets easier because it has the intended effect on both you and the WAS.