I don’t know your current situation but I understand the feelings you have described. It’s hard to believe that you were the most important person in someone’s life to find out that you no longer are. The overthinking about how & why it went wrong & what part you might have played in the breakdown. The mind can be cruel.
When I go on Whatapp, my H’s chat is so far down - it takes my breath away every time.
It’s a rollercoaster for us all who are in a similar situation to you. The downs are all consuming & it’s so hard to climb back up. Try to be gentle on yourself & not to look too far ahead; just make it through the awfulness of the present - I guess that’s when autopilot kicks in. Take comfort from the moments that you feel happy. Hopefully there will be more of those times.
It’s nearly 2 years since my H left. Most mornings I journal, tap, listen to podcasts or read motivational books just to get me out of bed & face the day before I go to work. For so long I believed my H would come back but when reality hit that he never would, it was like him leaving all over again.
As you say, so many people think you are over it - we put on such a great act.
Sadly there is no quick fix when you lose someone that you’ve loved & still love. I keep reading that the universe does things for our higher good. That people are here to teach us a lesson & when they’ve taught us all they can, they move on - It’s hard to believe it, but for me, I have to believe some good will finally come out of this nightmare.
This forum is a great place to share your thoughts with people who may understand a little of what you’re going through.
I’m sending you lots of love & hope that slowly you can find peace xx
M 1986 ILYBINILWY Jan 2016 Found out about affair May 2016. H 57yrs. OW 23 yrs younger. Separated Sept 2016
