I didn't mean for it to be me vs. him. More of just.... it's good to know that I'm not losing my mind. He gaslights me. Constantly.
To my surprise, he agreed to see one of the therapists that my IC recommended. We'll see if we can get him scheduled. The counselor said they didn't have an opening until the week of the 20th.
H: That's too far. Then do early Monday. Me: early Monday the week of the 20th? H: Yeah but stop dragging this out. I want divorce.
But I called and tried to schedule the appt for him. I had to leave a VM, and gave the counselor his contact information to set up something with him. I told him, and he said thanks.
We'll see what happens.
He deleted all record of our gchats. I was trying to find a picture he had sent me back in April (something completely unrelated to any of this), and that's how I realized he'd done it. He told me that he did it to "free up space on his phone." I don't believe that for a second. He's never done that. In 15 years of being together, he's never just deleted all of his conversations of stuff. The only other time he's done that, that I'm aware of, is when he broke things off with the OW 7 years ago. I'm sure he did it in order to save him from looking like a crazy person in text. Either that, or he copied it all to make me look bad (we've both said horrid things via text). The only thing is, I don't have access to it anymore. So if he's made a copy to use against me, I'm screwed.
I'm going to test drive a car today. I don't really want a new car, but I don't think I have much of a choice. I had a friend offer to go with me (a male friend) and suddenly H wants to come with me too. I basically told him no. We'll see what happens with that.
Today I was able to talk with a resume and HR specialist about my job search. He seemed to be really in sync with what I was saying, and said he'd probably be able to help me not only from a resume standpoint but also networking. That would be great. I also joined a networking app that's kinda like Tinder, only for business purposes. I have several phone calls lined up over the next couple of weeks to network with people to see if I can get something better occupationally.
The kids start school next week. I want to be much more heavily involved in their mornings this year now that baby isn't so little. H seems to completely forget that that's what I was doing last year. We would divide and conquer in the mornings. I would get the baby, he would get the two big kids. Now that baby is bigger, I can realistically do more with the big kids... and I want to. I don't see them nearly as much as I'd like now. I can't imagine how rarely I'll see them if we D.
That's it for now, I guess. Tonight's my "night out" but I think it will consist mainly of back to school shopping and getting a few essential items for me. Exciting stuff.
