OK folks... I think my message is clear now. After the great massage and the happy friends and the coconut bubble bath and the Bridget-recommended reggae.

I was actually in a good place to get the news that H has rented a house with OW (must have "skipped his mind" to mention that, too - though I'm not really surprised). And he is officially telling his family that it is 100% over between us, etc. Well, he's been saying this all along to them even while doing something different with me. But this time he means it.

Also was a bit hurt (but not surprised) to hear that MIL feels some kind of need to attack my character. I do get a small chuckle out of the idea that she seems to think I am some desperate, depressed woman chasing her poor son-- esp. since she hasn't seen me in 2 years to evaluate my emotional state, which I tend to think is pretty damn good, really. Oh well. Not going to lose sleep on that.

Interesting contrast that someone I actually DO see regularly commented that I seem to be handling things with grace and strength and seem pretty happy considering, and in charge of my life.

Hmmm. Which to choose?

I'm sure whatever MIL has heard is different from what I have experienced with H-- she tells people he confides in her, he tells me he doesn't tell her anything-- but it's just so bizarre, really, that anyone would attack someone's character for trying very hard to treat her son with patience and for the most part, loving kindness and generosity, in the face of being hurt pretty bad by said son. For choosing to be positive about the solutions instead of negative about the problems. For being a wife who was actively fighting for her marriage and working on making herself the best person she can be.

Whatever.

He is telling them he hopes we will be friends. And so now I am wondering, what kind of friend is this he has in mind? Is he going to invite me over for dinner?

My guess is not.

Or does he just mean the kind he is now-- who pretends I am not here most of the time and occasionally offers to help me with things... someday?

I know I had talked with him about what he thought our relationship might look like after a D... but that was when he wasn't living with OW. I'm really not interested in a friendship with him while he does that and he knows that.

I don't want what that would be. Maybe it would be good DBing, but I am just not willing to do it at this point. Maybe I will change my mind if I get some good evidence.

Maybe all of my meandering thoughts this weekend weren't just my hormones. Perhaps it was my intuition.

Anyway... still believe that things are going to be fine.

And still no word from him about the business I need to talk about. I even called back during my "time slot".

I am sensing I've hit the end of my long rope here... so I am using my sharp humor, please forgive that. Some people don't think it's funny but I really do mean it gently.

Definitely feeling it's time to do something else.

If H wants to be my friend, or anything else, then he can clean up his act. Is that too harsh? I don't know. It might be, but it's what I feel comfortable with right now.

wonder