Can I really do this #5

[Dtrmned]

Decent day yesterday.
Work was productive, but the best happened when I got home. My D and I are now communicating regularly. She is even jovial and approaching me. I am taking it slowly, but she got her school schedule, ran it down for me class by class and even added "I am really gonna need your help with this class dad" on one of them. A VERY happy daddy for that. I know she is a teenager and emotions run all around, but if she truly "hated" me and had no interest in a relationship, I would be shut out. I am looking forward to re-establishing a deeper relationship with both of my children.

W was weird. Feels too comfortable and usually when it gets this way is when she does something interesting. With the kids starting school in a few weeks, I am unsure as to her plans. Maybe this is why I am struggling. It may be that I am just tired of living on the edge of the unknown for so long and being in "fear" of what may be. Early on in this process I focused WAY too much on my W. I now know that she will do what she will do and I cannot mind read or guess. I can only control my actions and my focus needs to be first on my children and then myself. I will not ignore my W nor will I cater to her.

I am still unsure if I should push things forward or not. Is this me just having to do something or am I done. I am taking a couple of days to examine this fully and come to a decision. Most days I feel helpless in the situation. Does my need to move on trump trying to do anything and everything I can to keep my MR together and my family together? Is that too selfish? Or is it selfish to hang on so long? Arguments on both sides come out when I think about it and I can see the good and bad in both. If I could only see the end result. But, I can't and I don't know if anyone knows what the end result will be.

W is still struggling with health issues. Not sleeping, not eating enough (or binging when she can eat on bad stuff). Her weight is seriously down. She now weighs less than she did 20 years ago. I am a little concerned on this, but I do now dwell or mention it as she has requested me not "pry" into her health issues.

We don't talk any longer. Short, brief sentence or questions. No conversations. The mood is not happy nor sad nor angry, just there. The money issue will rear its head in the next couple of days and those are never good. I will handle it as best I can, but if she isn't willing to contribute and get a job, does she really have any leg to stand on? I am tired, lonely, confused, weary but at the same time I am putting myself together again and concentrating on my children. My W hasn't had to worry about anything financial for over 20 years. Not an entire reason to stay in a MR, but I know that I have some serous faults, but I am a spouse only a fool would leave. Only question left is:

Will she be so foolish?

Worked out a little harder this morning. Felt good.