I'm in a really bad place right now. I thought I was making progress detaching and changing my outlook, but I have been a mess since we all went to a movie together on Sunday as a family. I was fine before, during and after, being really positive and upbeat, confident. Then a few hours later I just broke down and have been stuck here since.

I don't know what to do. Being all together must have triggered something and I realize now that all I was probably doing was just repressing my pain rather than actually detaching and shifting to a positive outlook. I don't really believe yet that I'm truly going to be alright without my W. I don't really believe yet that I will truly be able to cope with a broken family. I keep coming back to the thought that I will end up taking my own life eventually. I don't feel that life is worth living this way.

M: 40 W: 37
T: 20 MR: 13
S13, S9, S4
BD: 1/29/18
Sep: 4/23/18 (I moved out)
8/24/18 I come home, she moves out

If you want to get out of the hole, drop the shovel.