Hope, Faith & Wonder-ment

[Underdog]

Well, Wonder, I'm in your boat, darling. And it's a mighty odd place to be. I wasn't going to post my letter to Mr. Wonderful, but I think I might have to put it here for you to see what you can use and what you can't. Mine is done, but please feel free to plagiarize anything that you might find useful. Here goes:


Dear Mr. Wonderful,

I've been trying to figure a way to ask you if you are ready to make a decision in regards to our marriage. No matter what, the questions came out wrong--either sounding too angry or demanding or too vague. I didn't want to convey any emotion, so I opted not to ask at all.

However, it has now passed the 16-month mark since you moved out. I'm really ready for whatever direction you are prepared to head. I wish you could truly understand that I mean it with sincerity and kindness.

No matter what decision you feel is best for you, for me and for our family, I will respect it and leave you be.

I know you are aware of my wishes. I feel content ~ knowing that we have both changed. I was able to use this time to work on things that were not good for me, you or our relationship. I really should be thanking you for that gift ~ as I doubt very seriously I would have considered the severity of your issues with me prior.

That being said, we truly are different people today. I believe with some effort and honesty, that we could begin a new marriage that could be astounding. With the conversation we had a few weeks ago regarding the tax refund, I really realized that our former marriage is dead. And I know now why people told me that was absolutely necessary.

That death does not mean the absence of one another, regardless of the status of our marriage. It just means, at least to me, that the way we used to interact with each other, the presence of anger, disappointment and resentment, and the lack of respect we demonstrated toward each other is no longer valid.

I'm absolutely amazed at that.

While I believe what is in my heart is true for me, I also realize I cannot and should not assume you feel the same. I think it might help, though, if you would take a few minutes and utilize some of your hidden skills in literary prose. That is, you write. Here goes:

1. Please write us an ending ~ that is, what it looks like in your eyes to end our previous relationship with each other.

2. Please write us a beginning ~ that is, what it looks like for us from here on out.

3. How do you feel we should proceed with that new beginning?

I realize that there is no right or wrong answer. But I believe in you. I believe that what is in your heart is what is best for us.

Either way, I'm excited to hear your answer. It will give my life some much needed closure and direction. I deserve both of them and so do you. To quote our dear Rafiki: It is time.

Thanks,

Bets

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This is the letter that I left for him earlier today. I included input from our MC and from my heart. And I'm feeling good about myself. I was honest, speaking from my heart without invoking guilt, but requesting something from him in a non-threatening manner.

If he chooses to divorce me, it won't matter much to me right now. I'm already living a separate life that brings me joy and fulfillment. I'm satisfied with the blessings that God has bestowed upon me.

I would like a shot to turn things around with him, but if he chooses otherwise, I've proven to myself that I can do this successfully. I think that you guys would call this full detachment. I'm at the point where I really would like an answer--either way. Is he going to be my lover and friend, or are we going to be friendly coparents to our girls? His decision.

I hope you can find something here for yourself as well.

Betsey