Nicole, no news on the D proceedings. We went to mediator, finalized all terms, she was supposed to send draft in a week, that was 3 weeks ago. WH was adamant on moving to another state post D and I did not relent, that kind of put a wrench in his plans. Clearly he has asked the mediator to hold off for the time being and decided to move out instead. I havent followed up with the mediator either, because well I dont want a D at all. If he moves out of state to the other coast then obviously he cannot have the kids which probably is his only pain point at this time. So he has told me he would still move but if I do not, then I am responsible for kids not having a father, well genius, after 6 months of course I know even this would be my fault. I know he is not reconsidering D, he is just either making peace of not having kids/not moving himself or planning his next attack. He has broken the family, taken my children that includes a nursing infant away from me for 2 days and 2 nights a week, a legal paper doesnt make a difference at this point I suppose.
Today is the first night my children are away from me, a piece of my heart, my soul is not with me. I was driving back home from work and saw WH and D3 walking to pick up the baby from her daycare. My lil D3 was skipping along, with her dolly in her hand. I was across the street driving, I could see her but I knew she was not mine today. I cant hold her, touch her, hug her. What life is this for a mother? I am pumping milk while my baby is away feeding from a bottle, I am sitting alone while I should be cuddling my D3 instead. My loss as a mother is so much more than my loss as a W.
