Wonder....first of all, I want to thank you for wading through my recent posts and offering of clear, concise support and feedback. I am going to write down my communication goals before my conv with H.
Now...after catching up with you....I, too, have some very similiar issues. One, that you mentioned a few days back regarding your independence in your R, prior to bomb...you having alife, not necessarily needing H. WOW...that was me for sure the past 4-5 yrs. I have admitted this to H a few times...and know I allowed our R to erode some.
Maybe that's one of the reasons our Hs went looking elsewhere. They wanted to be needed and reassured. I've had to face that one square in the mirror.
Now, tho....getting onto the "avoidance" thing with H
Quote:
I avoided calling back because I imagined some possible conflict with H and I wanted to enjoy the rest of my evening. I made myself call him in the morning. This is something that I need to recognize because as Trish points out-- it's an old pattern that I need to work on.
I get that one 100%. I avoid confrontation cuz of fear....but am finally learning/practicing to be more direct, factual, unemotional with concerns and thoughts. It takes practice and time to really change old patterns.
I think you are really discovering some very good issues that are common in R. I think I should read more of the M & V book. I've only read bits and pieces.
Keep up the good communication skills. Keep doing what's working!
Quote: I practiced assertive asking when I called back. This direct M-V thing seems to work well for us. I simply asked him to do it without the explanation. He answered me. I allowed his resistance to be OK and ended the conversation.
