Can I really do this #5

[Dtrmned]

A really good weekend on on my children's notes.

S and I went to dinner Friday. Good time. W did not come and it did not interrupt our fun.

Saturday was more of chore/housework day.

Sunday was a great day with my S. We hung out, played some games, ran some errands and even did some chores together around the house. It was relaxing and fun. W had a rough time healthwise, but did take the day and stayed mostly to herself. I let her have her space and went on and enjoyed my S. Overall a good day.

I made dinner and my D got home from her trip mid afternoon of which when she came in I hugged her and she hugged me back (big for her as she is not that physical anyway and us working on our relationship so YEA!). She rested awhile, then ALL of us sat down and had a family dinner. It was relaxed, enjoyable and if I humbly may say so, pretty good! Went in and said goodnight to my D we chatted about her trip and said that her and I need to do something this week. She said great. Very happy Daddy at the moment on this. Baby steps and establishing good communication and hoping she will allow me to become a bigger part in her life again.

W even had seconds and thats good since she hasn't been eating well at all due to her intestinal issues.

Here is where I am struggling. W and I can "fake" it fairly well. What that means to me is that we can make nice, make plans, take care of the kids, and do everything parents, and almost "partners" do. We are even cordial to one another and laugh together if we are watching a show or something. You know the rest, we sleep in the same bed, etc.

Our problems erupt when we start to discuss pretty much anything important (sometimes even the kids if it involves money). Mostly these are financial related. Health bills, shopping, not enough money in the joint account, kids are going to need back to school stuff, Kid activities that require money, and then I get hit yesterday. My S is turning that age where he wants a phone. His sister got hers on the same birthday as well. He deserves it, but I am uncomfortable for "us" to commit to another monthly bill together. I don't even want to have that conversation (S talked to me about it yesterday when we were hanging out). Also, now he has an event to go to that requires some $$$ and a sport that he wants to do that requires a bunch of $$$. Just me bringing up that subject to her or her to me will put her both very aggressive and defensive and would end up on her just blaming me on the financial side for everything. I am not holding any money back except for bills.

Again, here is where I am struggling. We are in a stalemate. We do not discuss anything. DR rules prohibit me initiating ANY R talks and W hasn't discussed it or wanted to discuss it for weeks. Again, she is doing absolutely nothing that I can see (referencing Sandi's comment that her plan may be very well hidden) to move this forward. She has so far not made any effort to get a job (outside of her "friend's" offer and dream of someday getting a part time job that will allow her and I quote "when and if she is able to", so really, not going to happen IMHO). She doesn't go out, doesn't leave the house, can't drive at night, isn't on her phone incessantly. In fact, if she is having an EA, she is rather respectful of me and not texting or whatever when I am next to her or late night in bed or anything like that.

I don't want to get blindsided by anything. My W is very stubborn, so when she finally did make up her mind to end our MR, I believe that it will be very difficult for her to go back on her decision. I still feel that our family can be saved, but I also feel like this stalemate is not doing anything positive at this moment. I am just looking for feedback on what I should be doing. Kids start back to school in a couple of weeks. This will give her more time during the day to get things done if need be, but it also puts a time burden on her for the carpool duties when she is generally used to doing her errands when her body allows her to. Funny how the rest of us make it to where we need to be on schedule, and someone who never has one, complains about the smallest things sometimes.

I looked at her very different this weekend as well. She was not my W. She was feeling fairly bad, and I noticed her skin was very pale and a little clammy. She did her hair and I did let her know she did a good job (I would have told anybody that I know that got their hair done how it looked.) She did complain about having to do it herself (she has for years, so not a new thing) I didn't say anything on that. I didn't over compliment or fawn all over her. Just "hair looks good".

I read the situations where the LBS gets to the end of their rope, drops it, and moves on. I am contemplating this as I said last week. I know this is a decision that I have to make. Do I just have a L draw up the papers, give it to her, and either start the war with another L or she just signs and we just wait the waiting period? Would this even give her pause (I know, VERY small chance of this happening).

BUT, I am just feeling very taken advantage of. I work hard, pay all of the bills. There isn't much left, but there is a nice roof over her head, a nice vehicle in the garage, food in the fridge, cell phone, cable, pretty much all of the necessities and a few of the luxuries in life. She gets to sit on her a$$ everyday, enjoy and spend time with our children, watch tv,. Here is an example of Saturday since I was there most of the day. W got up around 6ish. got her coffee and watched tv for about 4 hours. I made my S breakfast and I did make my W breakfast since I was cooking anyway, so she got breakfast made for her. She got up off the couch at 10, changed into her workout clothes and went and was on the treadmill for 2 hours. Afterwards, she took a nap for 3 hours, then took a shower, read her book. I grilled out and she helped out and we made dinner together. We ate, then we watched a movie. All in all must have been a very exhausting day. My day, of which Saturday has always been my cleaning day, I got up at 5, worked out until 7. Cleaned up the downstairs bathroom. Made breakfast, cleaned the kitchen, dusted the downstairs, made the bed and then worked on my business for 2 hours. Did a late morning run, then ran a couple of errands and by mid afternoon, was ready to relax from a long week.

I received NMMNG and have read about a third of it. Really relating to it and analyzing it and myself as I go along. I believe they have nailed me to a T. I have a lot of recovery to do, but I am happy that the book is about self-help and job just being a jerk. Changing the "flawed" view that one may have of the world that you thought was right is mind blowing.

So PLEASE. Any help and input on this is appreciated. I am not putting a time limit on my MR. Unfortunately, there are a few already built in. Our current lease is up early 2019, so if we moved ahead towards a D now, there would be ample opportunity to get it finalized so we could all have the "fresh" start my W wants when it is over. If not, it just gets dragged out longer and then what do we do then? Sign another lease? Buy a house? At this point, I don't think so.

As I said from day 1 on this board. I love my W very much. I love my family very much. I would love to keep our family and our MR together, R, and work towards a newer and better MR. I am only one person in this MR. I am not mad, bitter, or even sad at the moment (should think about changing my screenname). I am just at a point where something needs to move so my and my kid's lives can move forward. My W is so selfish and unless she is as devious as Sandi thinks she may be, she has no clue. I am also a little tired of the cake eating. Get out there, get a job and contribute to the household.

Thoughts, suggestions, support and 2x4's are always appreciated and encouraged.

I will end with how I usually end my Friday posts, but I forgot it last week. I was very fortunate to have another week with my family in the same home. So thank you God for that!