IH, I am glad you decided what you did. This last update gave me a feeling in the pit of my stomach, that you had indeed been "friend-zoned". She reminds me a lot of my ex-gf Kayla, that I had an on again, off again thing with for years, and eventually got "friend-zoned". The worst part was that she was dangle "more than friends" in front of my face like a carrot, but I could never get to it. When she sense that I had grew frustrated she'd call me with a "I want to see what is possible for us" line. Then the next time we hung out it was all like your X with you the other night. Telling me about her relationship woes, etc.
I'd get fed up and go dark on her. Sooner or later she'd come back. Years later she would try to rewrite history that I never gave her any signals, and that I missed all of her hints. LOL This is why I am a "get it out in the open and quit wasting time" guy now. I think I would have used the "are you made at me for not staying?" question to ask her what she wanted out of this thing, and where it was headed. Then you would know for sure.
I see a few possibilities for what is going on:
1) She is scared due to your past, and therefore is wanting friendship with you, but nothing more. Maybe that is what all the "not ready for a relationship and sex" thing is about. Part of her wants more but she is afraid you will end up back to where you were 4 years ago again. Kind of a "been there, done that" thing.
2) She keeps mentioning your manhood because she is interested in just purely sex, but she knows you likely want more. That you won't be satisfied with just a sexual relationship while you both are on the prowl for someone else to have something more meaningful with. Like she is hinting hoping you'll propose "lets just have NSA sex just to satisify our needs", because for her to suggest it is just too icky.
3) She is hoping you'll be the aggressor. She is afraid that due to the past you are the one not open to more, so she is holding back, but dropping little hints here or there. The "not ready" talk is a reverse-psychology way of trying to get you to say "look I am not interested in being girlfriends, either this moves into a full blown relationship or it ends". Women can be very subtle. I know you said she would be unequivocal in what she wants because "you know her". But a person can change quite a bit in 4 years. Plus you are remembering her before you already dated, married and divorced one time around.
So I am with you IH, I see two ways forward. My straightforward, "what the heck are we doing here?" approach. Or your just going even more dark on her, and being too busy for her.
The beauty of my approach is there is no doubt once you broach it. The problem with the second is you will always wonder if she would have been open for more but just scared. I lived the second with Kayla (name changed to protect the guilty) for years. It was not fun.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
