Letting go for my own inner peace

[Irish M]

The restraining order is starting to look like a good option. Your girls’ and parents’ emotional well-being is very important.

Hi Dnj

yes it is looking more like that . I did get a reply from my lawyer and he said I should reply to her lawyer directly. No need for him to reply and start a huge lawyer game back and forth.

So I sent a simple email stating

I received the letter preventing me from contacting your clients in any form. I will accept and follow this rule. However, I hope this goes both ways. As my responses to your client are merely me stating facts and protecting my family members from any stress that your client is causing.

so we leave it at that. No real change as from now until Christmas there is nothing for her to reach out about.

If she contacts you, make a copy of the missive and stash it somewhere as evidence that she's attempting to instigate another mess.

Hi Job
yes , if there was one thing you all taught me was to keep records. When i looked at them recently to clean out my PC. It was sad reading them. Never in my wildest dreams I thought of her as evil and cold. That she could do this. She had my complete trust. Now I would protect my worst enemy from her craziness .

It has always bothered me that eew (or the threat of eew) has consistently ruined every birthday, holiday and milestone since she left. She's set the table. Now it's your turn to serve her the just desserts she's more than earned.

HI Bttrfly. How are the eagles :-)
Yes next step is just that. One more hurtful attempt and the girls themselves will get a restraining order on their mom.
Sad writing that.

My Lawyer said that since they are 15 (soon 16) and 18 . it would have to come from them. D18 still asks to have her name removed from her birth certificate.

I am so sorry that she is losing the most valuable commodity there is: time.

Hi HaWho

yes, very sad. She has missed so much since she left. this time in the girls life things happen so fast. Graduations. learning to drive, boy friends, bonding, becoming young women, birthdays. I don't know how she does it.

I can't imagine the pain , anger, sadness , etc they must go through and all you can do is to be there for them. emotionally. Your Ds are coping with a incredibly tough situation , your strength is a shining light for them.

Yes, I feel their pain every day. It's draining on me sometimes and breaks my heart. I know it will affect them forever. She was an amazing mom and wife. Huge loss. I also know that they are strong and will continue to move forward.

She is attempting to draw the focus back on her because in her world she is the victim.

most definitely. Her victim personality is strong.

I met up with an old colleague. She went through a depression. Got help and is finally back to work. She told me that she really blamed everyone else. If her car didn't start in the winter at -30. It was her BF fault. If work was bad and she was late getting things done. It was everyone else's fault. She said she would sit at her desk and have dark thoughts, think about just leaving everything and everyone. Days went by and she did nothing at work. Felt angry all the time. But always thought she was surrounded by idiots and she was not to blame for anything. Until she got real bad and got help. Therapist and meds.

Why do you think you need a restraining order?From what I read there is no real danger or excessive hassle

well when I confronted her about OM1, she got one against me. She did not want me to know where she was living. I think since the girls sent the cards back to her address. She realizes I know where she lives. So restraining order number 2

and to what the lawyer wrote. She didn't like me pointing out her bad mother skills. She can't hear the truth.

My XW is good at getting cheap lawyers. This is her 3rd. If she says write me a letter and its all a load of crap. And that even that lawyer knows its crap. They do it anyway and take her money. Her first lawyer spoke to my lawyer that she is illogical and not well. He still took her money for crazy requests.

I think.you were wise to point out to D's that the card geste was all she was capable of right now.

Yes, I am honest with the girls and they know how i feel. They are at a point where me saying that she is not well and she was a good mom before. She is just not ready to make a true attempt.. They get mad and say.. no dad , she is and will always be a bad person.

Time will tell how that changes for them.


So D18 had a great birthday. Spent a lot of time with her this week as my gift to her was her first car. So car shopping we went. Great bonding time and lesson in patience.. She wanted the first one we saw. I took 3 to the garage for inspection and we decided on the one that had no issues. Used but in great shape. I want her to have more independence. This way she can get a better part time job. Easier commute to college. We live on an island, connected by 2 bridges. Public transport is not the best on this side and jobs are limited. A car gives her more opportunities. She is responsible for her gas only this year. Next year she takes on the registration and insurance.

We had to go to the bank to withdrawal some of her school money I put aside.She needs a new lap top. Yes the same money that XW tried to steal 2 years ago. Well it seams she tried again. She was shot down by the bank under the order they had from the court. In the divorce document she has no access to that money. I need to sign along with D18 or D15 to take it out for them. No one else. Not even them alone as it is intended for college.

D15 turns 16 tomorrow. I made the same video I made for D18 when she turned 16. Footage from baby to 16. Emotional . However It was a lot easier this time around to make it. Seeing XW in those videos did not affect me as much. I edited her out of course.
When I made D18's 16 year old video I was a mess. It was a year only into MLC. Time and distance does make it easier.


prayers for everyone going through this.

Irish