Gordie 21 going with my gut

[AndrewP]

Hi Gordie. I've been meaning to write to you on one particular topic for a while now but haven't.

You posted a while ago that your wife seems to be jealous of the attention you've been giving to the kids. I believe that this is probably a very real thing and something you should give some thought to. Since (as usual) I don't have much in the way of constructive advice for you, I'll tell you a story instead.

My daughter and I have always been very close - from the day she was born in fact. As she got older, she was my "adventure buddy" and we would do things together. At one point, my son started taking martial arts lessons on Saturday mornings. So to give my wife a break and allow her to luxuriate in a completely empty house, I'd take both kids in to town. Drop off son at his lessons, have breakfast at a local diner with my daughter, do the banking, pick up son and come home. My daughter and I both treasured those mornings spent together talking and doing the mundane.

After some time, my wife - perhaps projecting - told me that I was favouring one child over the other and that I should take my son out to breakfast every other week. He'd stopped martial arts at that point I believe. It was a painful exercise. My son is not a morning person. I learned that I would only get surly or angry responses to conversational questions until he'd eaten. I joked with him that I learned to keep my mouth shut until he'd had potatoes.

When both kids had moved out, my wife took over their place for breakfast, moving it to Sunday mornings. It became a tradition for us. One where I from time to time felt taken for granted for / taken advantage of as she would just assume that we would go out and that I would pay from my limited pocket money (we at this point were budgeting fairly carefully).

So - I wouldn't underestimate the power of a mother's jealousy of her children in creating tension in a relationship.

Just my 2 cents and perhaps something to discuss with your coach.