Gordie 21 going with my gut

[DnJ]

Gordie - Things are really starting to look up. Many of those small incremental positive steps that MWD spoke about in a solutions journal.

Letting her speak as much or as little as she wants is great. Continue to not push. Think squirrel and how fast she’d run away.

Speaking directly about enjoying one on one and family time, very good.

Indirectly about things you want, you are at least in the mix again. Hints of regret over OM, man that is going to be a big one for her. Stay quiet, and stay patient. She is moving along.

As for the subtle suggestion to sleep in the same bedroom again. I am not even going to ask if you want too, I know you do. It is a matter of when is the correct time.

I recall a post of your’s (slightly tongue in cheek) about how you hoped for a reconciliation full of passionate love making and how you were unfortunately on a different path. It does look like you are a bit further down that path.

I also remember some advice from your coach about make her beg for it.

My take is be patient and let her discuss it with you when she wants too. Be prepared to go as far as she wants in the discussion with out pushing for more - that also applies to the physical aspects of this paticular side of things.

Too vague? Probably not.

You know what your goals are. How you picture your restored marriage - I don’t think it is sleeping in separate rooms. There are many steps along the way. Getting back in the same bedroom is a big one.

Keep unwinding your defences that you had to build up. Keep slowly letting your guard down. Keep slowly letting her in. You will have emotions no doubt about that, keep them away from her. Act as if. Proceed as if you know that the outcome will be exactlly what you want it to be. Listen to your deep beliefs and not your fleeting emotions.

That goes not just for the negative emotions. If thing continue, espically when one bedroom is established, I imagine there will be a rush of positive emotions - don’t get lost in it. Continue to be patient and not push.

Gordie you are doing great. It must be hard to keep expectations at zero. In truth I think maybe having a few tiny expectations of W is proper now. Nothing huge, just little things that she knows you expect of her. Something she can strive towards keeping. Perhaps this is to soon, I do not know, only you can decide.

As always, and with much respect.

DnJ