Today has gone pretty well. I figured I would be a complete emotional wreck today. Of course, the day isn't quite over yet...heh.

So, it's our 5 year anniversary. I was leaving work to go on my lunch break, and as I was driving out of the parking lot...W just happened to be driving by. She stopped and asked if I was on lunch, and I told her that I was. She asked if her and S could join me, so I said that would be fine (hooray S time!). They sat with me during lunch, and W kept looking at me, smiling, and then acting shy when I smiled politely back. She said that today was a weird day, and I agreed. We laughed about it. She said that she was glad to see me today. As we were leaving, she acted like she wanted to hug me, but she decided not to. After work, she met me to let me get S from her, and she hugged me. Tonight she called me about S. We talked about him, then she said "so...I don't want you to think I'm stringing you along or anything with the smiles, hugs, and stuff..." to which I replied firmly but still politely "you don't have to worry about me, I'm a big boy." She went silent. And then we ended the call.

I can't assume anything here. I know that. I'd love to believe she's having regrets and second thoughts. But I also believe that she hasn't changed her mind, and she's just trying to be "friends". Either way, I can't assume anything.

Now that I'm thinking about today, our anniversary, our S asking me tonight "so Dad, how did we become a family?"...it does hurt. More than I want to admit. Fortunately, S is asleep, so if I do get emotional tonight, at least he won't see it.

W said she's going for a bike ride tonight after she gets off of work. It's already late. I told her to just be careful. She probably is going for a ride with some friends, and honestly that's what I'm going to choose to believe. But everything inside me wishes that she'd come here and stay with me and S. So that's a bit rough. Okay, that's all I have to say about that...it just [censored] being here knowing that today could have been a really special day...and even though it was a good day, it still [censored].

Well, that's my update for now. Gonna keep on DBing.