Maybe this is just me projecting what I want or think she should want. For the most part DB and the advice on here is doing the opposite of what I think I should do.
So now you have a problem with DBing and the advice b/c it's not what you want to do. Okay, so what do we do with that?
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How about every now and then a text like I hope you and D3 have a great day? Being positive? Support has always been really important to W. Unconditional support especially she never had from her family...
It is pursuing. Call it whatever you want, but it is pursuit and a WW doesn't want to be pursued by the man she left. I believe she would be particularly turned off to see you trying to be so helpful after her A ended with OM. Please believe me when I say it is not a gateway for you to go running after her, She needs to work to get you back again.
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How about every now and then a text like I hope you and D3 have a great day? Being positive? Support has always been really important to W. Unconditional support especially she never had from her family...
Okay, let me say this about the support she wants. "Support" is code for wanting you to give into her demands in the divorce. It may also be financial support or support to help her start a business or whatever. Remember, you may speak the same mother langue...….but you don't understand many things she is saying, IMHO. You may see it as positive, but your WW will see it as pushy (pursuing). She's vulnerable right now, so don't push your luck b/c she's likely to slam the door in your face.
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Last contact was yesterday 4pm- we discussed schedule. She thanked me for trying to confirm schedule in advance which is difficult with my job.... I said you're welcome and have a nice day... then she her and D3 were going to the Library. I have not responded.
That was handled very well. You didn't tell her what she should do. You didn't any push emotional issues, and you didn't bring up the subject of wanting to see her, date, or anything along those lines. Tell her at the end of the conversation to have a nice day...…..was fine. I would not contact her just to tell her to have a nice day. Some women see that as be a bit stalkish at the point. It's okay to add at the end of another conversation. See what I mean?
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I could say hell no I don’t want a hug. But in reality yes I do want to hug and hold her. She left and hasn’t come back. I just feel like sandi with following your advice aren’t we just going to be driven way further apart
If you believe my advice is driving you further apart, then I certainly don't have to waste my time trying to give my thoughts on any given subject. (I didn't know that you had actually done any particular action I suggested. I can tell you that you will not get back a successful MR by trying to nice her back. It just won't happen, b/c she is not attracted to your nice guys ways.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
