She said " You'll will be glad to hear that me and the OM are not a thing anymore" I just stood there. And then I said well to be honest it was never right to begin with and it would never last. Inside I was thinking this is awesome. But now she is grieving over the OM and is really having a hard time. This is where I need Sandi. I basically said well when you wanted to be separated you told me you wanted to just go be you and find yourself and then you hook up with some dude you work with.
That was a great response......if only you had left the rest of it off.
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I said, what you really need to do is do what you told me and everyone else you were going to do. I said You need to be by yourself and figure yourself out.
If she didn't ask for advice, then don't be telling her what she should do. Women hate for a man (especially a man she has left) to start telling her what she should do. I am glad that you didn't start jumping up in the air, kicking your heels together in joy, when she gave the news. Don't get your hopes up. Remember, she's addicted to this affair.
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I asked if she would like a hug and she said no. I said thats fine and then I pretty much left.
It's best no to offer hugs.
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So whats my next move???
GAL like crazy! Don't initiate contact with her. It would be extremely rare for her not and OM not to make contact. Plus, they work together, so that is an impossible situation. Why? B/c when a woman is addicted to an A, all it takes for her to feel as if she's had a hit from her drug is to get a text, hear his voice, or see a picture of him. That's why affair partners cannot continue working at the same place. Many reconciled couples in small towns have to move to another location, just so there is no chance of the affair partners accidently running into each other.
It is critical that you don't do anything to pursue her, or try to rescue her from anything she might be feeling, b/c she must experience the withdrawals in order to get over it. Unless she tells you she wants the M to continue, then don't see this as your clue to step in as soon as OM exits the picture. Many WW's end their A, but don't want to go back to their LBH. The biggest concern, if she doesn't patch up things with OM....is finding OM#2. Again, it's b/c of the thrill she got from the affair that would drive her back to OM or another man. She'll need a lot of time to figure things out. If she gets through the withdrawals and doesn't decide to live the single lifestyle, then she may want to work on the MR...….or not. Whatever she decides, it needs to be without you pushing and pursuing her. You will have to resist the temptation to offer your help.....if she hasn't asked for it. If she decides she really wants to go back home, she'll let you know. If she decides she wants "you", she'll let you know.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
