Blu, hugs. You don’t know how much your messages mean to me, I find a lot of similarities in our personalities. I have read your threads multiple times and the way your thoughts and values go are very similar to mine. You are on the other side where I can only hope to be so your advise is much appreciated thank you.
I remembered how WH had said early on post BD that I am the most resilient person he knows so he is sure I will bounce back in no time. Wow such confidence in the W he is walking out on.
Nicole, I know how busy you are to take time and give me strength is so kind of you.
Cdn, thanks for your support

I am a waking emotional explosive today. I have such rage this morning I could murder someone, on top of it to actually not vent it to WH or SIL is a burden. They are still moving don’t understand why it can’t be done already and just be gone. I was rude to SIL yesterday, she was showing affection to D3 seemed so fake seeing how she is enabling breaking our home so I snapped. I told her to leave and just be in her room as long as I am downstairs and come back when I am gone. Very petty of me I know, but I couldn’t stand her. she will now snitch to dear bro but I don’t give a fudge.
I have been passive aggressive with her in the past year and that is one of Hs complaint. He knew I didn’t want her living with us and still did nothing about it, I nagged him and was rude to her. Post BD I wanted to set it right so I went and sincerely apologized to her, I said I should have been more civil and I was ashamed I was not more mature, she accepted it, but ya I did it more to please WH. WH and I got her into a college, paid her fees which she still owes, housed her without a penny in return, got her a job with reference and this is how she repays
But I know the anger towards her is meaningless, if he wasn’t wayward she would be normal and stay within limits
I don’t know how to control this anger

Yesterday I GAL’d again leaving kids with WH in the evening. When he came home the kids and I were dancing to I am still standing by Elton John. We were singing looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid when he came home. As painful as it was I was laughing inside to the irony of it all. D3 made him join us, so we all danced together one last time as a family. I couldn’t take it for longer than a minute so I left

This morning I am feeling extremely angry and crazy depressed. WH has no idea how I feel, I have shut him out, he doesn’t deserve to know me anymore , I have fired him from that role. He just gets to see the happy me, the fake me, not because DB rules say so but because I don’t show my emotions to strangers.

I don’t know how I will make it through the weekend. I want my life back, I want my family, a happy home for my kids, I want the WH to go and bring back the person I married.
I will vent away here, thanks to my whole DB family for your support