Benito I read your message several times and intuitively I know that you are absolutely right. My H has a history of on/off relationships in the past and with me.. he is a distance but I also remember him being a pursuer- he came back to me with a proposal when he knew he is losing me and he desperately wanted to get married as soon as possible. I know that now I have to show confidence and distance and somehow make him realise that he might lose me (but how? As we live together and sleep in the same MB albeit no touches, kisses never mind no ML) yet I am struggling with this concept because I want to show him that I am an amazing wife, the spouse only a fool would leave.., a lighthouse. And in my mind if I create distance I will only alienate him because he will not see how wonderful/fun I am. I guess it is a balancing act but I do wonder if anyone has experience with how to do it.
OK..
The question how do I make him realize, is part of the underlying issue in my opinion.
If any of your actions or behavior is to trigger a response that is outside of yourself then you are not being true to yourself.
At the start of any relationship, you dont have to convince or entice the other person in, generally you are enough just being yourself. Thats the excitement of it.
At this stage it seems counter intuitive but the more you focus on you and I mean that literally 100% focus on you and your wants - without any concern about the consequences is the only way to send an unconscious message that his power over you is no more and you are more interested in your life than convincing him he has to be part of it. Its so so hard and scary but the only way to ensure an authentic ending - which ever way it goes.
There is no magic trick to this. You have to truly let them go ... for them to be able to return.
