JS, nothing you typed tells me you should stop DBing. My W was much like yours. "I want out. I want to make that happen." But then no action towards.

My suggestion is, no matter how tough, just ride it out. If you ask me, and I believe I stated this before, you explored the new job for the wrong reasons. You used it as leverage to try to get her to commit to the marriage. That is pursuit. And that is pressure. Her distance is probably in response to that. We talk a lot on this board about the pursuit and distance dynamic. Look it up. It is a REAL thing.

So she is distant. So? She is still there! This is why limbo is called the gift of time. I am sorry but filing would simply give her what she wants. Again, just like the job, you'd be doing it for the wrong reasons!! Filing to try to get her to realize the ramifications of her decision is the wrong reason to file! It will end up with you getting what you don't want, an actual D.

IF you really want to get a D, that is the reason for filing. And trust me, WASs have a sixth sense about all of this. They know when you file for D if it is to pursue and pressure....or if it is really because you are done. Why? Because in the first you have been terrible at detachment and GAL. In the 2nd case you will have GAL like a madman...and have fully detached. She will feel that and know that you aren't just bluffing with the D!

So JS, how is GAL going? What are your plans for tonight? You have no excuses for not being busy. Either you are busy with D14 and/or S11, or you are busy without them! You are in a great position because even if you W is away you have an in house babysitter in D14! So what are your plans for tonight after work?

How is your detachment going? Are you still emotionally attached to every things she says and does? It sure feels like it after reading your last update! Go reread the detachment thread. You will never be successful without detachment. Even if she came to you today and sincerely wanted to R, you'd be doomed to fail if you are overly attached. So work on that.

Your kids first, GAL and detachment should be your focus!

M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018