Best response would be to ignore that, and this is how. Respond with "well D3 will be home soon" and then quickly get off phone. See how that played out
"I mis you guys"
"Well, D3 will be home soon. Oh shoot movie is back on, gotta go."
Let's say she gets direct again.
Still use the "oh shoot, movie back on" line.
Is it obvious. Yes.
Is it rude. No.
Try it. I think it will help you to detach once you try more.
You don't ALWAYS have to answer her. She did ask for separation. Separation means space.
It is so not who I am. Treat others how you want to be treated is a rule I have always lived by. This is all so counterintuitive but I will try harder to be less available. I do have a couple dates lined up. Kinda hoping I meet someone I am really into. Just [censored] want the family and W to be passionate about me and us like she used to be. I guess the best way for that to happen is for her to think she can not have me?
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
It is so not who I am. Treat others how you want to be treated is a rule I have always lived by. This is all so counterintuitive but I will try harder to be less available. I do have a couple dates lined up. Kinda hoping I meet someone I am really into. Just [censored] want the family and W to be passionate about me and us like she used to be. I guess the best way for that to happen is for her to think she can not have me?
Yep believe it or not, your independence and being okay without her is very attractive to her. Yes DBing feels wrong at first. But here is the thing Did, as you get better at GAL, detaching, 180ing and being the best Did you can be, and you start to see her come sniffing around to find out what is different, it gets easier.
DBing is the biggest 180 you can institute. Because pressure and pursuit in 99.5% of all sitches, doesn't work. While it feels like it is what you should do, it drives the WAS away faster and further. DBing makes you the lighthouse. And eventually her curiosity gets the best of her and she wants to come explore the lighthouse.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
It is so not who I am. Treat others how you want to be treated is a rule I have always lived by. This is all so counterintuitive but I will try harder to be less available. I do have a couple dates lined up. Kinda hoping I meet someone I am really into. Just [censored] want the family and W to be passionate about me and us like she used to be. I guess the best way for that to happen is for her to think she can not have me?
Yep believe it or not, your independence and being okay without her is very attractive to her. Yes DBing feels wrong at first. But here is the thing Did, as you get better at GAL, detaching, 180ing and being the best Did you can be, and you start to see her come sniffing around to find out what is different, it gets easier.
DBing is the biggest 180 you can institute. Because pressure and pursuit in 99.5% of all sitches, doesn't work. While it feels like it is what you should do, it drives the WAS away faster and further. DBing makes you the lighthouse. And eventually her curiosity gets the best of her and she wants to come explore the lighthouse.
Headshot!
Yeah...I played fortnite with my son yesterday...alienating...
Thanks all. W last night during text convo she said she is confused and it is a lot. That every action has a consequence. She seems like a mess. Even posting about it makes me think I should just do my thing. She can do whatever she wants. Marriage children love sex and intimacy with her seems like a lifetime ago.
She texts me every day I have D3 and asks how is my girl. I guess I will just say good. She liked the camp I brought her to today
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
FaceTimed W instead of answering her text. So she could talk to and see D3. She was laying in bed at 11. Looked pretty sad. I want to ask her how she’s doing. The urge to want to help her have a better life is still there. At least I am posting bere instead of texting her right? Even if it feels right and helpful being kind to her does not help me reach my goals... just have to let her be sad I suppose.
She usually does not give second chances and has always held on to anger and grudges which she learned from her mom. . She also told me I was a good dad which she used to tell me was the most important and attractive thing to her. I think this is why she is confused. She has these childhood learned behaviors of holding a grudge and feels I hurt her so much while we were together. Then she sees this really good attractive man that loves D3 and she can mot believe it or trust it.
A year ago I would have talked to her about this.
Just be consistent DB and try to be patient.
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
Just to clarify.....if your efforts to detach are violating the Golden Rule, then you are doing it wrong. Detachment and letting go is not being unkind. You are mixing up being kind with trying to solve and fix her problems.
When you go to the store are you unkind to the cashier? Of course not. But you don't look at the cashier and go, "she looks said. I wish I could make her life better." See the difference? Treat her kindly and with respect. But don't think you have to solve her problems. Or fix her.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I am not violating the golden rule I guess it is just that I want more. The cashier and I also do not video chat on a day to day basis. So seeing her in bed at lunch time does give me the urge to help. But I have not and will not try anymore I didn’t that for months and it’s just made it worse . I am kind but I always want to say more. Trying to be short and let her be but it is really hard for me. For example I am about to book a trip to Hawaii where I can play in a tournament and get partially sponsored. Of course it is ridiculous to think of us all going but I cannot help but still want that. Rooming with a good friend and looking forward to it. COntinuing GAL activities...
H: 33 W:32 M: 5 T: 8 D: 4 BD: 6/2017 MO: 6/2017 House sold: 6/28/18 W wants to build friendship / relationship- 9/18 Paying $ support since 7/18. Physical Reconnect- 10/18 W Starts- IC / MC - 10/18
And you shouldn't be video chatting with her at lunch time either.......with your D, that is fine, but I sense that you used that as a way to check up on her. Maybe I am wrong but that's the sense I get.
Look I know some of this stuff is hard to avoid when you have a young child, but just try to keep your intentions pure. Do it for your D, not for yourself.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
