B.....early on I prayed as well, felt the same as you....not great but I could get through the day. Gradually my emotions stabilized, my prayers changed from hoping she could find her way back to just wanting peace inside myself. Eventually you start to accept, let go, and begin to make the shift. Your focus will start to change and then you start playing the hand you were dealt as shitty as it might be. There are still times were I shake my head in wonder of what happened and what could have been. I know over time those feelings will subside and eventually there will be no connection between us other than our children. Eventually you will accept you learn there is no other choice. Just continue to circle the wagons around yourself for protection, learn, grow and just know that it will get better but you do have to walk through the pain first.
