Getting Back to my Old Self

[DonH]

I don't typically come here just to "journal" but if I did, this might be under the title of "journaling" from me. LOL. As I am starting off the third month getting to know Wild Girl, it's again interesting how things develop and you get to know someone. I had my original presumptions about her and some have proved to be correct while others I was wrong about. It's now been about 10 or 11 days since I've last seen her. I was very busy this past weekend plus a few days prior and she had other things to do as well. Now so far this week we've talked on the phone at least an hour each night. She's continuing her keeping her distance thing, or perhaps it's more a keeping her walls up thing, yet most of the time she is the one reaching out to me - which I'm fine with. It is interesting, however, how she almost wants to not see me for a couple of weeks yet wants daily contact and enjoys talking for hours with me.

We have several day plans in a few weeks after she gets back from a family vacation and I get back from a very fun festival road trip. I'm sure they will happen. Her parents, aunt and others will all be coming to see the band I'm with this coming Monday at our state fair. Will she? Hard to say and I'm just leaving it at that with her. She may be trying to surprise me - not sure. I off handily invited her to come along on this weekend's overnight trip to a casino but she said she had to work on Sunday. True statement but it's a two hour thing that I know she could get out of if she wanted to. She is clearly struggling with something. I thought it was the age difference, and might be. I also thought it was that she's not had a healthy R with a "boyfriend" type person in a long time. She even says she's very independent and clearly is. She's obviously still interested - but clearly cautious of anything getting even remotely serious. All of these things are again totally fine with me - if not what I'm looking for.

What really caught me, however, is a conversation she relayed a few days ago about her D15. This D is more reserved, not nearly as outgoing as D17 who is much like her mom. However, D15 told Wild Girl she is worried about her. Wait for this... she thinks her mom (Wild Girl) is drinking too much! I just listened and validated. However, wow, interesting observation from her D15. She's most worried, she said, because she's already lost her dad to alcoholism and other bad traits and she doesn't want to lose her mom either. However, it was the rest of the conversation that really caught me. WG has said before how she struggles with anxiety. It effects her sleep and I'm really wondering now if that's not also effecting her behavior as well. I've seen this pattern of wanting to see me but then is not sure. Is that the anxiety? More over, is she self medicating this with alcohol? I really wonder. I brought up the suggestion of ever considering medication - not additive types like Xanax or something but there are others out there, Zoloft for example, that can actually work well.

I may be as wrong about this as I was about a few other things. However, like with two weeks ago and her "still debating" if she wanted to come out to see me, then after she did, having a really great time and being by her own admission very relaxed with me the following day, You all may recall that on that day she didn't drink at all - even though I did a little. Hmmmmmm, felt really calm and doesn't drink. When anxiety kicks in, or can't sleep, self medicate? I'm not her psychiatrist and don't want to be. I'm just continuing to watch all of this.

The rest is still fine with me. It's nice to have someone who asks about my day, just wants to chat, tells me what she is up to. Some of the little things continue to hit me as well, for example, a few days ago she kept texting that her volleyball team "one the first game" I figured it was just a typo until she let me know they "one the second game" as well. Yeah, I know, let it go Don, but I do notice things like this - whether I should or not! I did not, however, say a word about it - I just let it go. LOL.

I'll continue to update or "journal" here as whatever this is continues to unfold. It's looking more and more like the cruise discussion will happen in a few weeks during our three day "hang out." LOL - she still doesn't want to call it a "date." Whatever is going on or whatever she is doing, she's clearly still keeping my attention. I would have thought for sure by now I'd start to feel pressured or pushed for more, and if anything I'm interesting in more than she is - at least with in person contact. She's clearly not looking for other guys, however. At least I really get that feeling. She even goes out of her way to let me know that.

I'll have more as it happens or early next week.