My story. Advice needed

[equalzr]

Sandi,

Thanks for taking the time to look at my sitch. Ive looked at a lot of your posts and have learned a lot from you experience on the subject.

I believe my wife (WW), is in the middle of a MLC because she basically fits every criteria on the checklist. Also, before discovering these forums, I found a writeup about the book Women's Infidelity, living in limbo. It described my W to a tee. It took me a while but i shared a review about the book with her, and she was actually happy, and said that she finally knew what was happening to her, and that she wasnt just 1 bad person. I was a bit surprised, but was has happy that we both had a real answer for whatever was going on. Ive since done a ton of research on MLC through other sources. She seems to fit the classic mold: around 35-45 years old, felt like she was missing out on life, internally unhappy w M and H, started dressing and behaving like she was 20, made choice to have an A, has rewritten our history, lies upon lies that dont begin to sound rational, resentment and rebellion are there, blames me for everything wrong in the world, treats our S differently and spends more time away from him than i know she ever would(he has always been her world), she has said she feels like she needs to be perfect, has decided to be selfish because shes done so much for the family and now its time for her... i could go on and on and i know im missing important info, but from what ive studied she seems to be in a MLC.


My W definitely has a lot of resentments that have built up over the years. Being the main bread winner for aboit 9 years(i did it before that), not paid enough attention throughout R, and me not going back to school and preparing myself to make better money like she did. I believe those resenments kept building, her heart kept hardening, and eventually she began detaching from M(my opinion). Also, as i know you have said in your posts about this type of R, she definitely lost her respect for me. Looking back at it, i know she did. Im not mr nice guy, but i definitely put my family before anything else and have been a good man but have my blemishes like most. I know she has said she felt like the man because she was supporting everyone, so I guess that means she didnt view me in that light anymore. Definitely lost respect for me as her H. Im not sure if its true or not, but ive read that if this is a MLC, there was nothing I could do about it to stop it. It would happen no matter what.

I enjoy your "old school" approach, so thank you! But you are right, ive definitely been in the worse time of my life. The last 1.5+ years have been the worst of my life. It feels like ive been trapped in a nightmare and cant wake up, almost looking in from the outside. Ive said it feels like being a ghost and trying to tell someone something is getting ready to happen but they cant hear me or see me waving my arms in front of them. All very surreal.

As for my wife's personality in general before this you could say she definitely is strong minded and stubborn. So maybe that could be where the NG feel comes from, being that shes a woman who wont back down if it ckmes down to it. That said, we rarely if ever had issues throughout the 20 years we have been together, meaning we didnt argue or fight. I was laid back for most of it, so maybe that could be where NG comes in at?

Yes, she decided that she was unhappy, detatched from marriage over a few years(my guess) and decided to have A with old bf when he reached out since she was done with us. A has been going on for the entire 1.5 years she has been rebelling in M. Seems it started out as an EA and quickly grew unto a PA, and has since been going 100mph. They seem head over heels for each other. W definitely doesnt seem like the same person to me though, shes done things i would have never thought she would to our family, and acts competely different from the person I know from the messages I saw to OM when I was snooping to confirm A in the past.