Gerda, thank you so much for the insight from a woman's perspective. My head starts to spin sometimes and it seems in the moment that I am not even an afterthought in her mind. I find that so hard to consider since we have been together for 20 years...and I can't STOP thinking about her. How could she drop me so easily? I really appreciate hearing about the hole she must feel too and the things that she must miss at some point as well. The thought doesn't change my situation, but it does help my mind settle down a little...and I need all the help I can get in that regard. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
And to that point, I think you might be right...I am a deep thinker. I analyze everything and consider things from as many aspects as possible and don't let up until I think I have things figured out. Because of that, MLC drives me crazy. There isn't a rationale I can think through to make sense of everything outside of the script they use and how it is the same for all, even if it plays out differently for each. I am glad to hear you say it is a rare and good quality because sometimes it feels like a curse. When I am happy and upbeat it helps be to reach out to people in a meaningful way and establish connections with people in a unique way. Wen I am feeling down it causes my negative thoughts to spiral downwards and I sometimes have a hard time letting go of it. I guess thats why when I am feeling up that I try to make conscious efforts to think of ways to help myself when I'm feeling down.
I'm really glad you liked the box idea. I have started making a list already and I think I have just the box to use. I had not thought about someday opening the box with W. If her and I reconcile someday, that might be a very special thing to do together. Hard to imagine now, but if we get to that point I think I would really enjoy that. The letter/card you sent to H sounds like a very touching sentiment. Its hard to do something special like that and for it to go unnoticed. I'm still glad you did it though. My mom went through a mini midlife crisis (hers was only about a year). My dad knew nothing about MLC and his only actions were of the pursuing type. She told me that he would send her poems and bible versus...and that annoyed her to no end at the time...but she kept them. After some time, as she started to come out of it, those things became special to her. So maybe, just maybe (not to build hope or expectations), some day your H will appreciate all the nice things you did for him during this time. Even if that never happens, it shows how caring and thoughtful YOU are in an unconditional way. You are also unique. I think thats why we find comfort with each other here...it takes a certain kind of person to want to stand by their marriage despite the circumstances we are faced with. I know that my W loved me all these years, but I don't think she would have stuck by me like I am for her. I may have more in common with you guys than I actually do with my W
