Re: Bandguy - how exactly did this last relationship end "unresolved"? Does that mean she ghosted him, or he considers it unresolved because she couldn't bring herself to say definitively it was over? Why did they break up? I would want to know these things.
As for HC - I really feel like there is no bad guy here. He told you in the beginning that he wasn't ready for a relationship, and you presented yourself as if you were okay with that. You didn't speak up and say "oh sorry, I guess we're not a match then because I am really looking for a relationship." You just jumped into bed with him and hoped he would change his mind. Never a good strategy.
I can't really blame him because it's not like he was on a dating site misrepresenting himself as available. He DID like you, enough to break his rule and go out with you, but sadly he really IS NOT ready for a relationship. Maybe he's avoidant, maybe he's still hung up on his ex, whatever. There's no need to be mad at him just because he couldn't change into what you wanted from him. It's okay to just say "Hey, I really liked you, but I've realized I AM really looking for a full relationship and you just aren't capable of that at this time. I've started dating someone else who does seem more available and I think I'm going to go with that."
