Wlf...well first I had to come up with a new thread title for my sitch as my newbie status is long since gone!
and then, well once I had the new thread created there really was not anything new for me to post about. kinda that restless urge to post I just don't feel that as much anymore. if I read back over the last few great comments from some of the vets here, I guess I'm finally at the "it is what it is" point. I say a prayer for my wife and my D and our family each morning, night...heck whenever the feeling hits me. I've never been a heavy prayer so I actually pray to be forgiven for my prayers in case I ramble and/or don't make alot of sense. I do pray for God to find a way into my wife's heart, to protect and look after my D and I do still pray that by some miracle our family might yet be made whole again, BUT at the same time I accept God's will be done in the next breath. I've come along way in freeing myself of the "why/what" in regards to W's feelings. No point in trying so instead I try to occupy myself with thoughts of my present and my immediate future. if D happens, it happens..as has been pointed out several times by folks here for all intents I've been living the D'd life for almost half a year anyway and the MR ended when she left. it's funny to me how the biggest challenge I know of in our MR was the belief we were "roommates" and yet how so many friends of mine, men and women have said they all went through that challenge when their kids were newborn/young and yet worked through it.
my day to day without D is good, not spectacular nor how I want it, but I am doing just fine by myself. that in itself to me is great progress. these days looking back to the first 3 months post BD is like a blur/fog and I don't honestly know how I got through it, but here I am AND I'm doing ok going forward. when I reflect back on 2018..surreal feeling how completely my life has changed and how quickly the passage of time.
I love her, I miss her those are facts. The other fact is they don't matter if W doesn't feel the same way. That simple utterly devastating reality when it hits you...I feel more and more like I'm accepting of it. If there has been OM/EA/PA and by some miracle W made actions towards wanting to R, no idea how I'd feel to be honest. One thing I've had much time to learn from the vets here is how long and fraught with peril R could be. best I can say is that I'm pretty solidly stable these days, D and I have a great time when together and I just have to see what the future has in store for my sitch.
Prayers for you in your sitch. I hope you can continue to find peace, comfort and hope in this tough time we're both going through!
