I try to read new posts and now I think I understand what happened and how this thread is the continuation of a previous story. I see from the username this account has been active since 2011 and there have been over three hundred posts so now I also understand this has been going on for a long, long time.
That's definitely troubling if your husband filed. What I observe is that you and your husband haven't been happy together for a long, long time. It sounds like your husband has some major internal issues and you're also stressed out so the two of you aren't making much progress.
The idea of each having their nights to go out doesn't sound like it's working well. It seems to be creating more drama and communicating over the night out schedule seems to be making things worse. Perhaps it's worth re-considering that plan.
It seems the best chance right now to turn things around would be to make radical changes to yourself and try to lift the pressure off your husband for a while. Perhaps he filed or has plans to leave but he's still there, however it seems for years things have been going downhill. It seems there hasn't been an opportunity for him to see a 'new you,' one who would make him reconsider the divorce. My understanding of DB is that you can and should work at this time to improve yourself not just to keep your husband but to truly find your own source of peace, to find the right job for you, to be the mom that you want to be, and to look and feel your best physically. If what you've been doing hasn't been working then this would be a good time to make major changes and use a new approach.
I hope you'll get top notch advice at this time to help you make the right choices to turn things around. It sounds like you've been staying afloat for many years so nothing right now is new. I hope by making the right moves you can not just save your marriage but figure out a way to connect with your husband to really listen to each other and understand what you can do to make each other happy.
