Advice on my Scenario Pt. 21 - Garden in my Bucket

[OrangeK]

Yea, its the silence. Ill admit it all day. I dont like it. I dont like feeling like i need to expect some event from her.
Moreover i have been tempted all day to reach out to her.
Ask how potty training is going on her end, send a photo of S3 later when were home.
Its the addiction rearing its head.

i still crave her attention, even if its negative. thats not healthy. I wish i could go to a damn hypnotists and have memories of her erased.....

[ovrrnbw]

honestly, even when doing gal activities it's still pretty frequently on my mind. being busy doesn't really seem to help. I'm not spinning out emotionally today like I was on Monday, but I do not foresee a day where she doesn't cross my mind happening for a really long time if ever. I feel like I have made a lot of strides in realizing that she is toxic and abusive and Reconciliation would be a bad idea for us. I feel like this boards definition of Detachment is potentially unattainable for me. I do not spin out emotionally like I used to as badly or nearly as often, but as far as Detachment goes I don't feel as though I've made much progress at all. to imagine a time where she has absolutely zero impact on my mood and does not invade my thoughts on a regular basis seems like a fantasy to me

When I was in basic, guys would get homesick or just feel like life really sucked (I guess it kinda did then). We just focused on finishing what we were doing and getting to the next meal.

Bad thoughts pop up, you're right, but you empower them by choosing to think on them as opposed to going on and on worrying about what will only upset you.

[OrangeK]

Gonna go home and immerse myself in the only thing that truly gets my mind off PDWIFE and my sitch, writing game material.

My gamenights have gotten cancelled numerous times recently which sux.

I have S3 tonight, so ill focus on him till his bedtime.
I feel like a crap dad because sometimes i feel reluctant to be with S3 because he makes me think of Her, and the fact that we arent raising our son together, and that OM is playing role of 2nd father figure, which i F***ing HATE.

[SteveLW]

OK, I just thought of something. Have you ever seen the movie "Let Me In"?

Its about a vampire (they don't age so she is perpetually a little girl (though there are hints in the movie that she might have once been male)). She "attaches" an enabler who goes out and murders victims to feed her with their blood. I think they are a guardian or something. Once they grow up and get old, she moves on to a younger guardian.

That sounds like your STBXW. Using someone until they no longer suit her purposes. As you've said, OM's day is coming..........

[OrangeK]

Steve that sounds about right. Im a big fan of folklore, including Vampires. Ill have to check that out.

[Davide]

Sorry to continue that tangent, but that film is based on a Swedish film "Let the Right One In" (an even better title in my opinion), which is excellent in its own right. I recommend both of them, but be warned they are dark and bloody.

I had never previously thought about it in terms of codependent relationships, but it works pretty well. Now I want to go back and watch them again with fresh eyes!

[SteveLW]

Yes, I know the Swedish version gets a lot of good reviews. I actually preferred the American-British one (Let Me In) because I thought the acting was better. Plus I get annoyed having to read subtitles.

[SteveLW]

Oh, also the American-British version is set in the early 80s with a few pop-culture references to that decade.....and that's the decade I grew up in!

[OrangeK]

Big update. STBXW submitted a motion contesting the courts decision regarding the allocation of Daycare Cost to her.
Here is what she wrote to the court. Verbatim, grammatical errors included. Also, its handwritten in scratchy, all capitol letters. This is very odd, as in the past STBXW has always showed very clean and much neater penmanship. I would be embarrassed to submit this document looking this way.

Petitioner = Me
Respondent = Her


Cover Sheet:
"Dear Clerk of Court:

Although this motion is not being filed Ex Parte, I respectfully ask if the Court might give this filing expedited attention as the welfare of my minor child is jeopardy with regard to his day care status as a result of financial hardship as explained in the motion."

Main Page:

Motion For: Reconsideration of Notice of Decision.

"The notice of decision issued on 7/18/18 states that the temporary orders as issued by the court on 5/25/18 do not require the petitioner to split the cost of daycare with the respondent. I feel that this decision is contrary to the courts decision and temporary orders of 5/25/18, specifically as it relates to the facts of the courts granting a deviation to the guidelines level of support under RSA 458-C:5 (h). The courts order on scheduling conference and temporary hearing speaks clearly to the fact that both parties had been splitting daycare cost even though the petitioner earns significantly more income than the respondent. Both parties reported the respective shares of the cost of daycare on the individual financial affidavits filed with the court and used in the calculation of child support.
The notice of decision dates 7/18/18 creates severe financial hardship on the respondent and jeopardizes the ability to maintain daycare for the minor child, S3.
I respectfully request that the court reconsider its decision and instruct the petitioner to pay both his share of the daycare as well as the ordered child support under the deviation granted or the the court require revised financial affidavits to be submitted so the the petitioner can no longer claim his half of daycare costs and the child support be recalculated under the guidelines of RSA 458-C:5 (h). If no reconsideration is given, it will be impossible for the respondent to pay for daycare and S3 will not be able to be cared for while both parties are working.
I also respectfully request that this motion be given expedited review and consideration as the petitioner is now not paying any portion of Daycare and in addition the respondent has not yet received any child support payments as ordered by the court. The welfare of S3 and his ability to be safely cared for during weekdays is at stake."

[OrangeK]

I am in the process of typing up a response to this.

Awfully entitled of her to basically tell the court they made a bade descision.
I dont think a judge will like being told he made a badge Judge-ment. Its kind of....idk.....his job?

A few facts.

1.)STBXW didnt send in the needed docs for Child Support payments to begin until about 2 weeks ago.

2.) The Child Support office has already sent in the needed Docs for Child Support to start coming out of my checks automatically.

3.) I have submitted paperwork to have the court retroactively apply the $1,225.00 i have paid in Daycare costs i wasn't supposed to between May and July to my Child Support payments.

4.) She has 1 day off a week she could keep him out of school for.

5.) the court makes decisions based on Debt to Income Ratio, not simply who makes more $$

Any other questions, tips, advice or recoomendations on how to reply to the court are appreciated.

Below is what i submitted regarding Retroactive Daycare Payments.

"As of May 22nd 2018, I OrangeK, was ordered to begin making child support payments to STBXW in the amount of $95 weekly. At this time it was unclear to me, if I was to also continue to pay half of the daycare costs. As it was unclear and I did not want to neglect my son's daycare obligations I continued to pay $245.00 Bi-Weekly to Childcare Center.
The most recent payment I made to Daycare was on July 18th 2018 in the amount of $245.00.
From May 22nd to July 18th 2018, I paid a total of $1,225.00 in Daycare Tuition. I have attached copies of these checks to this Motion.
I request that the $1,225.00 I made in Daycare Tuition Payments May 22nd Through July 18th 2018 to be retroactively applied to my child support total.
I have been in touch with the Child Support Office and Automatic Payments should be being withdrawn from my income soon."