He did file. I can't believe it. He filed last Friday. I am doing everything I can to keep myself together. He's supposed to see my therapist on Friday.
I would say 75% of the interactions we have now are neutral/pleasant. But it's those 25% that get me. And they're not even that terrible as far as him being mean. Rarely has he been downright hurtful in the last week or so. He just gets a wild hair and suddenly launches into all the drastic changes he wants to do and he wants to do them right now.
Monday he wrote down all the things we'd need to do to the house in order to sell it so we can move out and be able to afford separate households. I asked him if he was going to make his children lose their family and their home in one fell swoop. I told him we'd agreed to talk more about the pros and cons of staying together. He said even if we stay together we need to sell the house. I don't know.
Yesterday I thought was my night out, bc last week I had asked him if it was and he said, "it's Thursday, isn't it?" I thought we had agreed that I would get T/R/S off and he would get M/W/F... but no, apparently he thought that we alternated every day no matter what. So he said I chose to stay in Monday night and Tuesday was his night out. I asked if we could swap and he said no. So fine, whatever. But then when I get home, he asks me if I do want to go out that night anyhow and that we can swap. I tell him that it's fine, I don't think I can make plans with anyone anyway and I'm tired. So he goes for a run and then went to see a movie by himself.
Over the past several days he's been sending me job recs. Most of them I've already applied to, but I appreciate him looking for me none the less. Yesterday he does a lot of random chit chat via text, like there's nothing different between us.
Then this morning, he starts to unravel again. I suggest a solution to our nights out problem. I suggest we do what I thought we were doing and reserve Sundays for a time to basically check in with each other about logistics for the upcoming week and reflections on the previous week. And that's when he comes unglued.
H: if we do anything for talking, it needs to be ground work for divorce. You could move to an apt for now. And not pay any bills here. Me: I thought you wanted to improve communication? I'm trying to do that by allowing a day where we can designate a time to make sure we know what's going on with each other H:That's why I stay in on some of my days. But you could move out and be free every night Me: do you think that's what I want? H: I'm giving you chance to schedule your nights however you want that way. No bills here. I'll cover all that I can. Me: do you think I want free nights every night? H: Stop being a therapist Me: I'm not, I'm trying to understand what you're thinking.
He continues to spiral... I eventually ask him to give pause to everything and just breathe for a minute. Eventually I tell him I'd be willing to sell the house if he's willing to stay married but really, truly work on the marriage. Not just stay status quo. I told him to think on it and that I had to get to work.
I talked to his best friend, the L. He said he's not qualified to give advice in this area, and he doesn't want to take sides bc he cares for both of us and I had to let H know we were talking. I said I would (and I did). But he said he's going to try to convince him to stay in our M. He said that when he was with him the other night, he seemed to have taken to the idea that working on it was the better choice, but he also hadn't mentioned that he had already filed.
