Affair, no feelings...is there hope? V

[44tries]

Thank you Steve and Sandi, you are both so incredibly helpful. More than you know. It helps to know that limbo cannot last forever. I think part of the reason it makes me so uneasy is because it is sort of possible for it to go on indefinitely IF you have NGS. Essentially the year before BD for me was a little bit of limbo underneath it all. But that is because I buried all my needs in the relationship and gave her all the power because I was afraid to rock the boat. Now that I'm kicking all that NGS stuff to the curb, it's going to have to go one way or the other.

The positive progress I was enjoying before seems to have hit a plateau. Up until my birthday camping trip I felt she was consistently moving closer, but now her warmth has dimmed. I'm trying not to be overly concerned (still focusing on detachment). Sandi, I think your suggestion to reread NMMNG is spot on. Now is the perfect time to re-up on all those guiding principles.

I hope you are right and she is liking what she sees. I think she does, but there is still that big gap between not cheating/wanting a divorce to actually being in love with me. For some reason, it's so hard for me to imagine how we are going to get over that hump. I know it's the cliche--how to get that passion back once you've been together for years and it's gone. But there is definitely something missing and I guess it's TBD if we can find that something again. I still think my biggest enemy is her stubborn pride and the blaming. Lately, the blaming has been worse and I hope it's not going to be closely followed by all the rest of the old stuff. Any advice on how to handle it when she tries to blame me for...everything? I'm very tired of being blamed for things that are equal responsibility or legitimately nothing to do with me at all. I tell her right then and there that she is blaming me and I will not accept it, but it doesn't seem to help.

The longer time goes on and she seems to have not even a shred of humility, the more turned off I become. I'm struggling with LBS resentment and questioning if I'm going down the right road (how do I get 'once a cheater, always a cheater' out of my head?). The good news is that I think a lot of this is somewhat expected now that I have shifted my perspective and taken myself out of the 'bad guy' position. I can't tell you enough how important that part of this journey has been for me. Just realizing how I made so many excuses for her and shouldered all the blame myself has been so eye opening. I'm excited about how much I've grown individually these past few months and can't wait to push myself further.