Picking up Her MESS #3 and is getting Worse

[marina7]

Kitkat,
Wow your words has sunk in hard Thank you yes as I know this will not be our first trip to ER I will make sure to get her a wristband, God knows I don't ever want W ro feel left out I want her to know she is also the other parent. We both are I quickly called W I didn't wait.

What bother me is W coming in and basically kicking me to the curve and yelling am his mom he lives with me until we go to court. In my head and the look on my kids face I was just more hurt why her behavior I even moved aside let her sit with s10 and was very quiet. And yes in W eyes I can't imagine what she feeling my kids are more attach to me they all 3 always have been but since this BD we became closer we now have a bond. We call ourselves the fantastic 4 not in front of W of course but we now have a bond I think W will never get.

I'll be honest it was hard I didn't cry or showed anger nothing but when we got home and they all showered I went in the shower took my cape off of super dadma and cried in the shower and scream in a towel. Because W did bring back those feelings. When W wrap a sweater around me when W brought me my favorite pasta salad and sandwich all I can remember was our good days how good she was or maybe W still is good. I still know God will heal her. But it is hard.

Next time I will wait for W I honestly wanted to and us walk together holding hands with kids between us like we did and I also believe W wanted that but I thought this was temperature check on her and knowing myself I would have put my guard down. Because in reality I love W still and Love my family. I hope maybe now she home today thinking about what happen yesterday. I pray she gets a glimpse of our life. Just a little feeling because I know W is somewhere down there. She is there.

I know this process is hard and I can't imagine the battle W is fighting but I know she can beat this I know she can with lots of praying and help W could do it. But honestly that wound is so deep am not sure if my scar will ever heal.

My kids all said mom we are so proud of you so they know and that's what matters to me them three. I will always keep W posted about kids. Like this morning W didn't text how kids or s10 but I sent her a picture of them three laying down watching tv. No reply but I know I did it for her to have a piece of mind they are ok s10 is ok. Not sure how W will take this but I know I would like a picture if it was me in her shoes.

One day at a time
God has a plan