...but it ended up with her implying her A was justified because of things she has put up with over time. I know their thinking isnt rational for the most part, but to try to justify the fact that youve been having a PA is beyond me. How does anyone justify that? Then to look at me with evil in her eyes as if Im the bad guy in this is completely crazy. All the while everyone thinks she is the saint(her family plus counselor).
Yup that's the famous "rationalization hamster" at work. She's fully in WAS-land where up is down and down is up and adultery is justified and she is right and you are wrong. The best way to react when a WAS says idiotic things like it being your fault she's having an affair is to look at her like a 3rd eye suddenly sprouted in the middle of her forehead. Like- curious, astonished, disbelieving all at the same time, right? Don't argue with her or anything, just give her that WTF look and maybe shake your head and walk away. Here's the thing- she KNOWS it's wrong. She KNOWS what she is saying is stupid. So you don't need to tell her. If she chases you down and challenges your reaction just tell her you've got nothing to say to her.
Listening and validation is great, but not always appropriate. I think when a WAS is going off the rails like this you do not validate.
Such great advice, AS. Sometimes its best to be incredulous and walk away.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
