neffer...appreciate your support. definitely focusing on my D with a ton of positive energy. in truth I'm not in a negative energy spot these days, but confused? yep definitely. just been living the reality of what my post-divorce life would look like. not terrible really, feel like it would be great if W came back around, but if not, it's ok/livable and for now that's enough. I've read/heard it's a long game..at about 5 months seems like it's already been a long game, but I know that's not true. just keeping on moving my life forward with D.
maika...so thinking about it I probably didn't validate her feelings, but rather tried to fix. probably was not the thing she needed from what I gather from other ladies comments, but as I didn't know that...prior to BD I mean I hadn't explored/tried to learn about any of this stuff. there were times where she talked, I listened, complete focus on her, but to her either it went in and out of me or it just didn't translate from her to me. thing is it was never an intentional thing I did and if we were on different pages, we could have consulted someone/anyone to help us address that, but that was never brought up. I can assure you had it been brought up, I would have been right there. I feel like we never discussed specifics, but rather generics. for what was truly important to her I needed something like "H this is very important to me <I expect X>, <I need X>, <I hate X>". as you say I can't read her mind although perhaps that was what she expected. but here again...let's say she said do X by this date and I didn't, there has to be some give and take, forgiveness/acceptance. I don't know if W could allow that. for me honestly I can't recall ever setting due by date or a demand. as I've said I'm very much a roll with it type. I can't say anything about W's ownership of her part. I know she has expressed letting go appearance wise, but that to me is superficial relative to the how she acted in the MR which is way more important. maybe she has, maybe not I just don't know.
joseph...thank you for your comments. as I say I'm at a point of just living/trying to get comfortable with what my possible post-D life will look like. "checking out the place" really it is not all that bad, although it is for now still somewhat reluctantly accepted. whether she knows it or not, I'm not faking my comfort with it these days. feels weird still wearing my ring, no interest in dating/other women at all, but living like I'm D'd. absent W in my life it has proven much easier for myself to take way more blame than I should, but I guess as I move further down the line and recon seems unlikely...I'll be HIGHLY surprised if she comes around...like I am Santa Claus himself if she does. I am keeping the road home smooth though and will continue to stand for my M until it's taken from me. I realize we had problems, I realize I had my faults/contributed to them, I still desire to do anything I can to make a great new MR with her, I believe we had alot of good in our MR...but much is unknown and many choices for both of us lie ahead. guess we'll see what life has in store.
