Maika...thank you for the parenting references, I'll definitely check them out! it's interesting how you talk about vulnerability being a strength. my IC has stressed to me that one of the greatest causes she feels for our MR failing is that W was not able to be vulnerable, to express her needs/fears emotionally/clearly and be open to me. the whole concept was/is completely new to me before IC...she said where W does not have the ability/willingness I clearly do, but heck until she told me I had no idea I did nor what that even meant. while I think I'm very self-aware, within a relationship I've either not been cognizant of things I didn't know much about the effects of self-esteem, vulnerability, etc or I simply didn't factor them in.
Steve...thank you for your comment as well. as I say when thinking of being a strong man's man the kind I hear women want, being emotional about my D or even my sitch makes me feel like I'll be unable to be the strong man a woman wants as to become that would require me to not stay true to myself. the other ironic part is while I am able to express my emotions regarding my D/sitch, within my MR I know my W believed me passive, void of emotion. the truth is that was not the case, I'm just a very even tempered man, it takes alot to get me angry and most annoyances of daily life I simply let them roll off of me. again talking with my IC, she believes my W has severe anxiety...things like an unexpected bill, traffic, the news, upcoming events stress her greatly to the point it impaired her sleep and likely our interaction...whereas for me pretty much nothing bothered me and I'd fall asleep instantly. I can see how that contrast in our personalities likely caused resentment in my W even though she also at times believed I was her counter-balance. while I would always try to emphasize with how she was feeling/help her to resolve the issues causing the anxiety, unless/until I was able to feel the same way as her, I don't believe W thought what I did was ever enough.
I miss her today. I miss her every day. I know we say all sitches aren't unique, but I am curious. in the time we've been apart, we've not once spoken verbally about our sitch. our only communication has been by text/email. maybe 3 times I've gone pursuit, we've texted, she had no interest and I dropped it. IC has said in her exp, men usually don't want to do MC, she has had women come in who simply got angry and fought, but it was very rare for her where the woman did not want to go. IC also told me that in all of her years counseling my MR is the first where a couple has never spoken verbally. Stander has told me in the past that his eW was much like this, but I was reading last night his story and saw that he and his eW did in fact try to recon, but apparently he was past the point of wanting it. this line of thought is not really "I want her to want to recon", but rather at a higher level...in most of the sitches I read even where the WW has a known OM, there at least seems to be at least some kind of verbal communication/meetup between the WW and the LBH especially if there are kids. in my sitch I have no proof of OM/EA/PA, all I can guess is that W's complete lack of talk is because she does have OM. thing is if she does, so what...I mean there's tons of those sitchs on here where there is still verbal communication face to face. like in our sitch...how much worse could it be such that she completely can't even talk to me? I can guess guilt/shame/whatever, but like Sandi once said men can't understand rational women, so likely we aren't even close to understanding a WW...LOL so with that said I don't even pretend to think even my guessing is close. the whole thing just seems weird. IC believes that W needs IC for several issues, maybe that explains it. as I have no experience I take her opinion, but it's hard for me to believe. anyway just curious folks thoughts.
