My wife's midlife crisis

[kiro]

Do NOT believe anything she says! This is one of the first rules.

I have read dozens, maybe hundreds of stories on this forum and other sites. I have not seen 1 story where the MLCer/WAS returns at this stage. All of them without exception will take their space for a long time.

Most of them will leave. Others will stay but will distance themselves.

Most of them will have an affair, but not all of them.

Some of them will file for divorce. Others will be content with physical separation and won't ask for divorce for a long time.

You are still early in the process. And you already have high expectations. You seem to be completely attached to her behavior. This will only bring you down.

At this stage, it seems that most (but not all) LBSs hope that their situation will be different and that their MLCer will wake up all of a sudden. I haven't seen it happen. I don't know if anyone here has seen this happen.

What I did when I used to struggle with these thoughts 9 or 10 months ago, when I was at that stage, is accept my feelings. Don't fight your feelings. Don't blame yourself for not being able to detach. It is normal. This is a process and it takes time. You won't be able to detach and GAL at once. Do it one small step at a time.

IMO, your real question should be: "Will I accept her back in a few years if she wakes up from her fog and chooses to come back to me?"

And your answer should be something in the line of "I don't know how I feel in a few years"

If you have been reading the articles on the other site, you should know what the process is and what the different phases of MLC are. If she comes back now and you accept her as she is without either her or you doing the necessary work, it will not work because she will still be broken and will not be ready to commit or work on the marriage. Rebuilding the marriage after what just happened will be a difficult task and will require 2 mature individuals fully dedicated. She's not there yet and won't be there for a long time.