Sorry for being longwinded, but I feel my sitch is a little bit different as there is plenty of evidence to suggest her father is meddling in our marriage. He has been in her ear for months apparently trying to plot out a way to get her back home.
We call him an "enabler" and there is ALWAYS at least one and usually more enablers whispering in the WAS's ear. That is not at all unusual. The thing that really strikes me about your sitch as being "unusual" is that you were only married a year at BD. Most LBS's here have been married 10+ years. You were really technically still "newlyweds" when she left and that is strange indeed. Yours isn't the only case I've seen, but I can only remember a couple of others in my years here and they seemed to be caused by the wife getting married for all the wrong reasons. Like she was in love with a fantasy of being married rather than with the man himself. So at the first sign of problems (illness, death in the family, money troubles) they drop everything and run.
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I guess right now I am just looking for some advice. I read DR and DB, and have worked on a 180, GAL and to be honest the LRT. It’s hard since there is no communication with my wife and she is over 1500 miles away living at home in a different state. I don’t suspect an affair, and friends and family agree as she is such a timid person. I just don’t know what to do given the dynamics of distance and a meddling father in law. Do you think I should just wait on hearing from her rather than reaching out? My gut says yes, but as it’s been 6 months already, I have been a wreck though I am starting to do better.
Don't reach out, it'll only drive her farther away. Physical separation is actually a blessing in disguise because it helps the WAS begin to realize they are wrestling not with the LBS, but with internal demons. Once the LBS is removed from the equation then the WAS can no longer blame them for their unhappiness and has to face reality.
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Question regarding where I'm at currently with regards to communication with my W. She texted me a month ago saying nothing is going to change her mind to come back due to not having enough good memories in the marriage. I responded a couple of days later essentially saying I didn't have much to say at the moment, that I needed some time and I would be in touch. Probably shouldn't have even responded, but given that I did, is there any harm in remaining no contact even though I said I would be in touch?
I think in your case any contact would be harmful. If she reaches out to you then it's fine to respond, but don't initiate contact. Like Steve said, she's not sitting by her phone waiting for you to respond to her comment that the M is over, so just let it go.
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Also, any fellow DBs initially struggle with the self-blame, and your mind wandering to something along the lines of your WAW/WW being right? W is making me feel like I'm the crazy person, and there are times I wonder if it is my fault.
Of course, we all went through it or are going through it. What you have to do is get past blaming yourself and try to take this approach- "I did things wrong, now I need to figure out what those things were so I can do better in the future whether it's with W or someone else." None of us is perfect. All we can do is try to keep bettering ourselves as we push forward.
