I want to point out that stubborn pride goes the other way too. Sometimes the LBS's stubborn pride is that they can "win" the WAS back to the MR. I think that is why so many fail at DBing, because their pride tells them they just have to be the best they can be to get their spouse back. No matter how many times they are told that pursuit and pressure do not work. "If I can just convince him/her!" "If I could just get them away from XYZ person (could be OP, or a BFF, or a famiy member)." "If I can just get him/her to understand how sorry I am!"
None of that works after BD.
Is BD specifically referring to D talk, or is it finding out about A too?
Ive never felt like I could win my W back. Unfortunately I always felt like I was running a race that was rigged against, a no win situation of you will. Unfortunately i disnt know about pursuit and distance until I found these forums recently.
When this all first started (for me, not sure when it started for W) I didnt know how to react. I was angry and hurt that she was treating me bad, and dissapearing for long periods of time into the earlt morning. My first thoughts were that she was lying and I was sure she was cheating. No need to come home at 4 am otherwise imo. So i guess i distanced myself initially, but it was all aimlessly done. It didnt help thays for sure, it only seemed to push her closer to OM. I think in most cases the A would run its course, but I think these two are in it for the long haul or so it seems. She has definitely told him what she was missing in her life and like any vulture he seized on that info and swept her off her feet.
BD is typically the day they drop the D bomb on you. However, finding out about the A could also be BD, or another one.
Their relationship has a very small chance of succeeding. So many reasons for that.If they cheat with you they'll cheat on you....... That which is conceived in deceit will eventually die from deceit.... Things planted in bad soil won't grow....... But maybe theirs will be the rare one that actually works. I've known of a few.
What you really have to decide is whether or not you want to sit around and wait for her, or move on with your life.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
