Thats true Gerda...and its where I'm at right now. W is off with the kids having a good time without me. It has been a real struggle not to feel the victim. When she takes Ks off to have a good family time without me, its hard not to personalize it as recreating the family unit without me. I guess its what I am doing in her absence, but that was not my choice. I do it because its my only option. She chose this...
Having said that, I am actually feeling better today. I got pretty low over the last few days, but last night I was finally able to pull myself out of it. In all this time, I have not seen a IC. Last year W and I had several sessions with a MC, but I never got a IC for myself. I have now reached out for one as I am finally admitting that I don't want to do this on my own and need some help working through some of it. I think it will be a healthy step for me. Not sure why I haven't before now...I think it was fear. I'm tired of being afraid and ready to get myself back. I need the light in my lighthouse to be strong enough to withstand all storms and I'm going to work on getting that started now while I'm at a moment of strength. That way I'll be more prepared for the next down day.
