I do think it would foolish of me not to date. I am pretty much fed up with HC. Nothing at all from him. I am kind of turned off at this point. My free night is tonight. he would have no clue. Has no clue I have a bid on another house, if I am even alive...... We connect in all sorts of ways except emotionally. I am going to pretty much lay it out the next time I hear from him or see him. I am fed up. I was fine with casual, but this casual? No. Not working for me. Should I keep him as a FWB? I don't even know if I want that.
Bandguy. Now, he is one of us. He was divorcebuster. Not that he was on these boards, but you can tell he wanted nothing more than to keep his family intact and said he tried everything and more. He does long for a partner. He admitted he is good at being alone, but really doesn't like it. So, he is kind of at the opposite end of the spectrum. I may worry too far on the other end of the spectrum.He does communicates so well. So we will see if we click. He is cute in a bit of a band geek way, lol. He plays the trumpet. Has hobbies. Loves his kids to the moon and back. Has a house. Is pretty close.
As far as my house. The flood thing worries me. If I don't go under water, it's a great little house with loads of potential. The did set up the house nicely with sump pumps and drainage systems. I need to check more quotes on flood insurance. My sale will be contingent on home inspection. I am getting excited though.
Lots of stuff up in the air as usual. What's meant to be won't miss me. I like to believe that.
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Housewarming party at Ginger's! That is so exciting. I'm beyond thrilled for you. As far as HC and casual dating and some other things you mentioned. I have never been one to date more than one person at a time either until the past couple of years and then I was like hey....what the heck. I'm still not sure I'm ready for a relationship so maybe that is why it was easier for me to do than I would've thought it would be. Not sure. But just get out there and date. There may well be others like band guy out there that you are just missing.
Someone (sorry I have forgotten who because I can't remember crap these days) commented to you that maybe HC is just there for what he can get and if that doesn't work for you, then don't stick with it. He may well be a lovely man, but if he's not giving you what you need, why give him the time of day? I firmly believe that people do NOT inherently change. I know many people disagree with that, but that has totally been my experience. Sure, they can change their attitude, behavior, etc. but eventually they revert to who they truly are. I used to tell my daughters all the time and I also firmly believe this: when someone SHOWS you who they are, BELIEVE them. Actions speak louder than words and HC's actions speak volumes. You need to worry about you and what you have going on, not worry about why he's NOT worrying about you and what you have going on.
Doodler....I was a trumpet player and I'm not a narcissist. LOL But that was years ago, so maybe I was then and I have just blocked it out.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Congratulations! It'll be fun to have your own house to work on and to make it your own with your own style.
(I posted my last response (the trumpet player) before I saw your latest post.)
Originally Posted by Dawn70
Doodler....I was a trumpet player and I'm not a narcissist. LOL But that was years ago, so maybe I was then and I have just blocked it out.
Dawn,
Sorry, I was generalizing. After doing a lot of in-depth research I discovered how to determine if a person is a narcissist. If you don't like a given person, then they're a narcissist, and if you do like a particular person, then they're not a narcissist. All this time I thought it was complicated.
I firmly believe that people do NOT inherently change. I know many people disagree with that, but that has totally been my experience. Sure, they can change their attitude, behavior, etc. but eventually they revert to who they truly are. I used to tell my daughters all the time and I also firmly believe this: when someone SHOWS you who they are, BELIEVE them. Actions speak louder than words.
I totally agree! Truer words have not been spoken. I have said the same thing for years! People will alter who they are - they will soften or harden in areas for example. But think about people you knew many years ago. Are they not much the same now? I've mellowed over the years and I'm better at some things and have learned some great lessons but by and large I am who I am. Dawn I simply can't agree more with your comment and if "many" people really do disagree I feel sorry for them as they are about to find out how true this statement is in later life.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Congratulations! I hope everything works out for you. Get your own inspection done...don't rely on the one that they get. You want to have an honest one done where the person doesn't have a horse in the race, per se. Also, check out the area concerning flooding. I don't recall, but why are they selling it?
Check out everything before you sign on the dotted line!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Congrats on the house. That is so awesome! Fingers crossed everything goes smoothly.
Sage advice from Dawn. Most women don’t want casual-they day they are okay with it but honestly, most women want or hope the guy “acts” like a boyfriend. That’s not casual. Again, you have no loyalty to a single person. I’m not saying have sexy with multiple people, I’m just saying I don’t understand why you should feel any obligation or commitment to a noncommited person.
You want a relationship and that will only happen with people who want the same. I don’t know if you will like band guy. However, he sounds cool.
Cheering you on!
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
But that was years ago, so maybe I was then and I have just blocked it out.