OK, I follow your sitch and have only commented a few times.
MHO, I think what everyone is trying to get across to you is that you cannot prepare yourself for every situation that might arise from your stbxw's actions. Working on yourself is the best defense for everything. If you are good with you, what does it matter what she does or how she acts? If she creates a situation, and you are in a great place personally and you are again good with who you are, you will simply shrug off her actions since outside of her being the mother of your child, she doesn't matter to you any more emotionally. See where I am going?
WAY easier said than done and I struggle with this DAILY myself. BUT, each day I see myself detaching more and better than that, I feel myself getting stronger within myself and re-discovering who I am again.
Somedays are still rollercoaster he!!. And others are just the ones you are down. I do my best to keep my head up around my W and children (we still live in the same home). Not overly enthusiastic unless something good truly happens, and definitely not faking it.
My point is that no one is telling you that you want to control her. It just seems like you are way to attached to what she might do or act. Don't let her be the center of your world any longer. Your innermost circle is you and your child. Period.
Take care of you. Take care of your child. The rest will take care of itself.
This isn't easy and there are many here pulling for you and I see the improvements you have made over the past months.
"and there are many here pulling for you" So true! I am probably overly attached to your sitch OK, because I so want to see you "safe and healing" as you say. I have invested more emotionally into your sitch than anyone else's here save my own! That is why when you react strongly, my initial response is to pull back. Because maybe I am too emotionally invested in a sitch I have no say in. But JS nailed it on the head.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
