Is It Too Late?

[WillD78]

OK, folks. Need some advice.

Still in limbo. W is still at home playing house with me for the benefit of the kids, I suppose. She spends a few hours a week, doing what she says is preparing her new place for her big move to wreck our family, but still has not brought up a moving date, custody, finances, property, etc. I'm not sure if she is dragging her feet or what, but for someone who wants to leave me, she sure isn't in a hurry to do it. I know, it's the script.

Anyway, this is about finances. She is primarily a SAHM, but works remotely for 5-10 hours a week. I believe she puts most of that income into a savings account (we have always had separate accounts) and uses the monthly check I write to her to buy her items she needs, spends on the kids, etc. I also pay all of our bills, which, as you know, include our mortgage, her car payment, her mobile phone, her car insurance, her health insurance, groceries, dinners out, most activities, etc. She does contribute, too; buying things for the house and for the kids, etc., on the regular.

On last thing: I presume she is burning through our/her savings right now, paying her rent, buying God knows what for her new place, etc. In our R, she was the saver, I was the spender. We have always had separate accounts. I have a 401K, but otherwise we lived off of my paychecks while she would sock away sometimes up to half of hers. She also has some inheritance from her mother and brother. Since we haven't talked about this, I assume she's spending it like mad. A 180 for her, as she was always concerned about saving enough, having enough money to retire, etc. I'm sure she sees this savings as her money. I can see that -- she saved while I provided for the present -- but I don't like her blowing through it without at least talking to me about it.

So, do I keep this financial sitch going? I have told her that I will not be paying for her car, insurance, or mobile phone once she moves out. I do think I will have to keep writing her a monthly check, however. After talking with a L, it looks like I could be in trouble financially, if we can't keep this amicable; so I think I will keep paying her each month and justify it as essentially child support. But, now that she has supposedly made up her mind to move out (signed a lease three weeks ago), and, for all I know, is buying furniture for her new place, should I cease making the car payments, cell phone payments, etc., right now?

I'm thinking about sitting down with her tonight and telling her that I am through paying for her car (which she'll just pay off from her savings) and that I am going to deduct the cost of her mobile phone and car insurance from the check that I write her. I will then ask her about the savings sitch.

The other half of me wants to just keep the status quo. Pay the bills. Write the check. Let her spend "her" money. Stay quiet.

Thoughts?