Chris, I am reluctant to say what your Ws motives are since I have only heard your side of the story.
I am short for time but feel I have some helpful points to make in your sitch.
[list] [*]Decide what you want.
[*]Set boundaries. What you will tolerate and what you will not.
[*]Communicate these boundaries to W.
Whatever her reason for coming back, she is back, and it could be a combination of reasons. You may never know and it really doesn't matter. Things will change.
The joint FB thing is controlling behavior. If you pout your way into W agreeing to be controlled again you will ultimately regret it. You have to love in a way that the other feel free. Joint FB is not Detaching, now is it?
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
I am not a pro at this but like most LBS I have thought about what if they return There is no way to know the future, maybe she is using you or maybe she just wants to try to see if there is a future. Let things be, with her coming back it is still better than the D path correct at least there is more time. Continue detachment and GAL, be the best person you can be with 180s not for her but yourself. She may see the changes she may not. Tell her what you are willing to work on and what is not tolerable and see where the ride take you next. Worst case she will leave again and you will get D but you already have been to that station once before so you are prepared this time, why not just ride it out and give it a try?
Yes Sandi, well a couple of times. I can tell it's just when she needs something from me. Or she has an agenda. She has agreed to talk with a councillor. She has rewritten our history so bad, I'm afraid of what she'll say in there. I think her mental health is very bad. Talking with her does not help. I hope the concilling does good. She's taking cake eating to a whole new level. I have been super good to her since she's been at the house. She says that it is very attractive, where has this man been etc.
Chris06 - I really fail to understand why you need a joint FB account and why you are making such a big deal out of it. Really at this stage some joint FB account is the last thing you need to focus on. Detach from her, be cool but friendly, masculine, decisive... don't let her to lead you. Her moods are not good for your mental health either.
W34 H61 M1 T3 June-H said he wants divorce but hasn't filed. Living and sleeping in the same bed, no intimacy from H side for last 12 months.
When guys get on FB and msg married women, with kids I have a problem with it. Call it what you want. I know she had to accept but it's not something I'm ok with. D pics and all. Really? That's ok She told me this
When guys get on FB and msg married women, with kids I have a problem with it. Call it what you want. I know she had to accept but it's not something I'm ok with. D pics and all. Really? That's ok She told me this
I have a problem with it too. I hate FB. And my W has a history of having a problem getting into EAs due to social media.
However, even IF we had a joint account, that would not preclude her from having a secret private account where guys could msg her.
Chris, this is very hard for the LBS to understand. But even in R YOU CANNOT CONTROL HER.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
You seem to justify it in your own little way... but this isnt acceptable.
Facebook is not the issue. Your insecurities are.
From what you have told us... she is telling you that you are controlling.. you say that you arent.
Without a doubt it is controlling.
You must be afraid that she will be tempted by other men. That she will see something that she likes, and prefer it to you. The healthy option would be to act like a man no women would want to leave.. your current behaviour is to pester her to go on the internet and confirm she is yours.
That is more a reflection on your self worth than hers.
I am sure most of the responses you have had on here thus far, and will recieve, will support that this as not acceptable.
Only by seeing this for what it is.. will allow you to move forward in a constructive and healthy manner
