maika...thank you for your reply. yes when D is with me I don't waste a second of that time. nothing in this world matters more to me and she and I stay busy the whole time. I guess that is why the transfer is so painful. for the time we're together as much of my previous life as possible is whole again. its like if W wants to leave, fine, but all of us pay dearly for her decision. and of course I know that's life...
the one area where I need to invest in is maintaining that same level of not wasting time when D is not with me, although at least I don't feel lonely and generally enjoy my time alone...I do know that there are ways that I could more fully maximize that time than I'm doing now. perhaps as I'm only just shy of 5 months into my sitch, allowing myself time to relax, handle stress, get sleep is enough for now...as my process goes so too will my ability to take on more in my alone time.
i've come to realize that all I need to do at this point is let W go, figure out my housing situation for myself and D and get through the D if it comes to that. W has done much to destroy our family and my feelings for her so letting go especially with her having no interest in me is getting easier daily. acceptance is a process and I just have to keep working at it.
