Today is Monday...ugh. Some days are very easy and I feel like Im making progress with my self. Then there is days like today that I feel like the world is crashing down on me. I miss my old life. It wasn't bad at all. It was calm and simple and fun. I had no idea that my W was up to no good at work and her new found friends and now OM from work. It makes me sick to my stomach that this happened. Now I am playing a game of detach and GAL. I had a life!! I was a great father and still am. I was active and always going! I was a family man. I go to work and bust my a$$ and then come home and hang with the fam. Now its empty and lonely. I know there is millions of fish in the sea. But I have 4 kids with the one fish that fell into a fantasy of lies and false happiness. And also telling me our marriage wasn't that great etc. UNBELIEVABLE !! We haven't heard from her all day. Thats okay. I think we need a good week or 2 under our belts. I know she will text tomorrow for something about kids. Its been 3 weeks today since she told me she wanted the D. I guess the good part is nothing has happened that I know of as far as Lawyers and filing and D classes. It gives me time to detach and 180 and act like nothing is bothering me. Its turmoil to the extreme. I pray everyday and night for something to fall my way. I pray that she and other man will encounter influences that will break the fog. Now thats desperation right there. I feel that once the fantasy is lifted she will realize her choices were horrible. We really did have a good life so its so difficult for me to understand all of this. All because of a grocery store co worker. So pathetic isn't it? I remember when I was begging and pleading. I was telling W that she was better than this. We are better than this. And apologizing that it got to this point. Now I know it was her that put us in this sitch. Its so humiliating. I often tell my self "this is so stupid, how did this even happen"? Its a reality I never knew existed and feel this is my biggest trial in life. I desperately want this to end so bad. I want my family back in the worst way. Tomorrow is a new day. My kids will be home alone being raised by video games and youtube...maybe just maybe the W will spend a little time with them. I think the affair will get worse from here on out before it will get better. Something I have to deal with and have to kinda let it run its course. My oldest D tells me to just relax and she will figure it out someday. She also tell me that I should never take her back if she does come back. Now thats a 15 year old D that should not be going through this either. I sent her to my sisters in Boston. She has spent 2 weeks there and doesn't want to come home. I don't blame her one bit. The other kids are doing fine but you can see they are sad and want it back to normal. Thats up to to the WW right now and hopefully I get a chance to decide...someday I hope... I can only hope.
ME 47 W 38 M17 T20 Separated 5/20/18 D-bomb 7/9/2018 Nothing Filed 4 kids ages 6, 10, 14, 15
