Quote: I wouldn't assume that she wanted to talk about the grocery list or whatever, but what if she needs talking to maintain the connection to you? Maybe the silence is too much for her...it proves (in her mind) that you are all about the sex and physical release because you are not interacting with HER.
You're probably right. For me, there are things beyond words. When I light a fire in the fireplace, or sit under the stars, I really don't want to talk, I just want to drink it all in. But my wife sees either of these as a good time to talk. Now I would feel closer to her sitting in silence together, but if I want her to enjoy it, I need to talk with her.
But what on earth would I talk about? You give me some tips...
Quote: Now, I like dirty talk during sex...
Frankly, I'm not sure I would even know how!
Quote: your wife would probably not go for that
That's a safe bet...
Quote: For instance, you could tell her how much you love her. How pretty she is. How close you feel to her. That she is everything to you. How good she feels. That you could do this forever. Ask her questions, for a change in pace: Do you like it fast like this, or slower like this?
Having a list of things that I can talk about would certainly help. You know, I never thought to ask her what kinds of things she would like to talk about. I mean, the topic always came up in the heat of the moment, and she'd say something like, "talk to me", and I'm like, "about what?", and she's moved to some other universe in the meantime.
Quote: In other words, engage her in the process. She might NEED this to really get a lot out of the session and you might have to deliver this, even though you'd rather be quiet and enjoy the moment. Give and take, that's what it's all about and I know you'd give her anything she wished for, if it would help her enjoy sex more!
I think this is really good advice. I'll try it when I get a chance. But...it's going to take some thinking, and I may want to even write up a bunch of things I can say ahead of time.
Hmmm...sometimes when I'm preparing for a difficult conversation with my wife I ask someone to help me role play to prepare. I don't think that's a good idea with this one ;->
Jonathan
What I am trying to convey is that maybe you misunderstood her need for more communication during sex? It is worth exploring, when you finally do smash the Six Year Drought all to bits.
